In a World Full of Plants…Be a Weed.

We can learn a lot about resiliency from weeds.  In life, things are going to go wrong.  The people around you will forget to water you.  Some people will even try to stomp you out.  We live in a world that’s ready to be offended at the drop of a hat, a world where people get their feelings hurt if someone disagrees with their opinion.

When plant like people hear this type of negativity they let it envelop them.  They wilt away and quit trying.  When weed people hear that same negative talk they just keep on keeping on.  Weeds don’t give a f*ck what negative people think about their goals and dreams.

Don’t be like a plant.  You’ve got goals, dreams, and things you’d like to achieve.  If you have a plant mentality you’ll quit at the first rejection you get.  You’ll stop working on your craft the first time someone says the article you wrote was wrong, or dumb, or the widget you made sucks monkey balls.

You Can Learn a Lot From a Weed

“Some people are weeds and some people are plants. Be the weed you wish to see in the world.” – Mr. Burrito Bowl, possibly with the help of a different type of weed.

I have to wear a lot of hats being a project manager for a construction company.   One of the metaphorical hats is that of maintenance guy for the unsold homes.  This includes minor repairs, cleaning, and general landscaping upkeep.  On the landscaping front, I try to get to every unsold home at least once per week and mow the grass as well as pick a weed or two.  

I have to pick all the weeds because people tend not to like weeds.  A potential buyer is more likely to be interested in an entire house if the yard looks freshly cut and weed-free.  This puts Mr. Burrito Bowl in a never-ending struggle with nature because weeds are relentless.  You can pull them one week and they grow back the next.  You can spray them, stomp them, pull them again, and even swear at them. They just keep coming back.

Plants are Weak

On the opposite spectrum are plants.  We work so hard to keep plants alive and the minute you take your eyes off them, they die.  There’s currently a debate on whether or not plants grow better based on how kindly you speak to them.  It’s a real thing.  Don’t say mean things to your plants or they actually might die.  It’s science, kind of. 

It’s funny how we as a society value plants and hate weeds.  I get it.  Plants are pretty and feed us.  Weeds take over like an unwanted roommate.  Sometimes roommates take over like an unwanted weed.  It’s a vicious cycle. 

Plants are silly.  They die if you forget to water them for a few days.  Weeds don’t give a rat’s ass if you water them.  They’re here to take over.  You can try to kill them and they still won’t die.  Imagine trying to kill your tomato plant and it just coming back no matter what you did.  I bet we’d stop eating tomatoes almost instantly.

Realizing I am a Plant

When I reflect on this weed and plant metaphor I’m left with an unsettling realization. I am naturally a plant.  I care what other people think of me too much.  If I’m playing music at a bar I’m self-conscious about what songs I choose to sing.  “Is this the type of music people who drink beer at a bar like this like to listen to?”  Even if I’m sitting around a campfire with friends and family I’m a little self-conscious about my song selection.

With the book I wrote, I had many people say how hilarious it was.  I appreciated those compliments but it was the people who had negative feedback about the book that I took to heart.  If a hundred people say they liked my book but one guy says it was a stupid book that didn’t have a point, I’ll fixate on that one guy.  Why would those hundred people lie to me?! Thank God one asshole told me the truth!

The truth is, it is a funny book.  It also does not have a point.  It’s purposely a ridiculous anti-book with a Swiss cheese amount of plot holes.  Both critiques of my book are valuable.  For my next book, I should have an actual plot, apparently those a big thing with books these days.  I should also keep the meandering humor.  My style of humor is what sets my book apart from real books with authors who wear sweaters.

Realizing that my natural inclination is to be a plant has helped me develop tougher skin because I am aware of my plant-like nature.

I know not everyone at the bar listens to the same type of music and most people listen to many types of music.  My plant-like nature makes me feel that everyone in the bar is in agreement about what song they want to hear so I better play it.

Brother Burrito Bowl Has No Time For Your Wrong Opinions

In areas of playing music and life in general, I’ve developed tougher skin by imagining what my older brother would do.  He plays music for a living.  He doesn’t give a single f*ck what song you wanted to hear.  He’s playing what he wants to play. If you don’t like it, you’re wrong.

If he were to play a Tom Petty song and someone from the audience drunkenly blurts out, “Tom Petty Sucks!”  I would be mortified and probably never play another Tom Petty song.  My brother would say, “Well, it looks like you don’t have a microphone and I do.”  Then he’d play five or six Tom Petty songs in a row.

I try to take lessons from everyone I meet.  I look at what works for them and adapt it to my life. Also, I look at what doesn’t work for people and make sure I don’t let too much of that characteristic negatively impact my life.  Being true to yourself and not overly caring what other people think about you is a lesson I have to constantly relearn from my brother. No one is going to tell him that he isn’t good enough to do something.  That’s a powerful way to live life.

How We Got This Way

I often wonder how people get to be the way they are.  Some of it is in their DNA.  If you come from a long line of people who have impulse control, you’re probably going to make some dumb decisions.  You’ll have to work harder to keep your impulses in check than someone who doesn’t naturally have trouble with that.

Specifically, I wonder how my brother and I turned out to be so similar in many ways but so different in others.  Our childhood has a lot to do with how we absorb criticism.  My brother has Tourettes Syndrome. He shows no signs of it as an adult but growing up was rough for him much of the time. On top of the Tourrettes, we were homeschooled as kids.  You know those classic early 90s conservative Christian homeschooled kids in your neighborhood with the bowl cuts?  That was us. It wasn’t exactly a stacked deck my brother started out with.

He wasn’t athletic and because of the Tourettes was an easy target.  He developed thick skin out of necessity.  Once he grew up he outgrew his tics and learned to manage his impulses much better.  He no longer has the outward issues he struggled with for so many years but he’s learned to use his thick skin to his advantage.

By comparison, I had an easy childhood.  I was athletic and, being the youngest, I got to go to a real school starting in 4th grade.  My other siblings were all homeschooled until high school.  I had a huge leg up socially.

I didn’t face much adversity growing up so my skin never developed.  As an adult, I now have to work hard to make sure I listen to criticism without taking it too personally.  My brother has to work on not immediately discounting all criticism, and I have to work on not taking all criticism to heart.

What Are You?

Are you naturally a weed, or a plant?  I am a plant that recognizes my need to adapt more weed-like qualities.  Think about what makes you the way you are. There’s value in being somewhere in the middle.  Don’t be so calloused that you don’t take feedback but don’t be so thin-skinned that any negative feedback makes you quit.

No one is a finished product.  We’re all constantly changing and growing.  If you reflect on this and notice that you’re naturally more like me, there’s hope.  You don’t have to be a thin-skinned little bitch.  You can toughen up!  If someone has negative feedback for the work you’ve done, be thankful.  It’s an opportunity for you to grow as a person.  Evaluate the work you’ve done and try to objectively see if the criticism was warranted or not.

Maybe you DID write a book without a real plot.

That doesn’t make you a bad author and it doesn’t mean you should quit writing.  Take the positive message from the criticism and learn to grow from it.  If you do that you’ll be able to see the hole in your craft and plug it.

I overly care what other people think of my choices.  I know this about myself. The key for me is to use that to make myself better, not to paralyze me.  Maybe you don’t care enough what other people think and it’s causing you to not grow because you aren’t getting any other perspectives.

Remember that a weed is never discouraged by someone else’s doubt.  Next time you feel your thin-skinned being poked, remind yourself that you are a brave weed that won’t be beaten so easily.

Next time you see a weed, thank it for its resiliency.  Then burn that motherf*cker to the ground. 

If you enjoyed this article please share it with all the plants and weeds in your life

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