Choosing Family Over Finances Part II- an Update and Some Highlights

It’s been a little over two months since I officially became a part-time stay-at-home dad. If you think nobody cares about reading an update on our situation, well, think again. More than one person HAS asked how it’s going. The people want answers. If you haven’t read Part I of this post you should do that first. If you don’t want to read it, the gist is I decided to cut back on work so that I could spend more time at home with my daughter. It’s really quite heroic, you know. You should read it.

If you don’t want to read either of these posts, here’s a great article about how Smart Phones are toys first, tools second from David over at Raptitude.com. It has nothing to do with this article, I just thought maybe you’d like the option to read a different blog.

Anyway.

Real people on Twitter have asked how it’s been going and if I’ve written an update article. Here’s the proof.

See? Real people need real answers. The answer is, no. There has not been an update article written. Luckily for you, you get to skip all that angst wondering whether or not an update article is ever going to happen. Since no one else is here to interview me, I’ll interview myself. Interview questions will be in italics, my answers in regular type.

Wow, Mr. Burrito Bowl. It’s a real honor. You’re so muscular and brave looking in person. So, how is it being a stay-at-home dad?

Thank you. I love your work, btw. Your article on Seven Skin Tight Life Lessons Learned From Wrestling was a real breath of fresh air. To answer your question, it’s pretty good.

Great. That’s great. Tell us about your home life with your daughter.

As far as home life goes, I love it. I absolutely love spending Monday-Wednesday with my daughter. We go on walks, we read books, we look at birds, we do it all. I know some people really value the work they do and feel like they would be ‘missing something’ if they stayed at home every day with their kids. Those people probably have weird kids. If I had my druthers I would happily stay home every day to be a full-time real-life stay-at-home dad and let Mrs. Burrito Bowl be our breadwinner/sugar mama. This, of course, would be a wonderfully ironic title for her to hold since she allows neither bread nor sugar into the house.

Hahaha…I get it. A play on words. Well done. 

Don’t cry for us, we’re each allowed one lick of a real sugar lollipop each Christmas. Ha, I kid, she’s not that strict with our sugar consumption. (blinks “SEND HELP” in Morse Code)

Ha! Wow, she sounds like a crazy person. 

She’s not. She’s really wonderful. Turns to camera Hi sweetheart! Love you. Turns back to the mirror We go on walks every day and I’m able to visit Mrs. Burrito Bowl at work whenever it’s slow enough for her to take a walk.

Fascinating. That’s really fantastic. Tell me about the not so great aspects.

There have been a couple of times I’ve found myself scrambling to clean poop with my bare hands before Baby Burrito Bowl has a chance to eat it, but overall it’s been really relaxing. She has for sure, on multiple occasions, pooped during the diaper-free time, rolled over and kicked her legs with vigor getting poop everywhere.

That sounds disgusting.

Yeah, I guess. It’s weird though, nothing she does grosses me out. I can clean her spit-up off her cheek and go right back to eating cottage cheese. Even her poop doesn’t gross me out.  She didn’t poop at all for over a week AND THEN she pooped on the floor. That’s not what this interview is about. She’s very cute.

Currently, her favorite trick she can do is to shove her finger up her nose. She has the dexterity of a frostbitten foot, yet somehow she maneuvers her pudgy little finger directly into her nostrils with the precision of a fancy surgeon. The thing that will get me is when she starts eating her own boogers. That’s when I’ll go back to work, I think.

Tell me about the work/life balance.

We’re doing it. We’re hanging in there. As far as work-life goes, I don’t love it. It’s fine. It’s not great, or terrible, but it’s actually more stressful than just working every day. When I work every day I know what’s going on everywhere. When I’m not at work during business hours for three days per week, it’s hard to keep up. Because of this I always have low-grade anxiety that I’ll get a call from my boss asking why something isn’t done and if I remembered to schedule such and such.

Initially, the idea was to take a pay cut and go down to part-time only working Thursday and Friday.  To my surprise, my boss offered to just keep paying me my full salary. “Sweet, I’ll take it,” I thought. The catch is I have to go into work in the evenings Monday-Wednesday, work longer days Thursday and Friday AND occasionally work one of the two weekend days. It’s not ideal. It’s not even really part-time. I mean it kind of is. It’s not as glamorous as it might seem from the surface.

Why isn’t it glamorous? It seems pretty glamorous.

Okay. Well, I’m going to sound complain-y for a minute. I don’t mean to sound all whiney, but I’m just being as honest as I can be. First, I’m essentially working from home Monday-Wednesday during the day. It’s not like I’m totally off, able to focus solely on home life. I’m expected to have my phone near me and answer any calls/texts that come my way. It’s not nearly as taxing as actually working, but it is kind of stressful. I never know when the phone is going to ring and I’m going to need to answer why grown men didn’t show up and do their jobs.

I’m not physically there to check until the evening so I never can be sure if the trades completed their job or not. Because of Murphy’s Law, these calls usually come when I’m elbow-deep in a diaper change.

Then, after I’ve been keeping a baby alive all day and stressing out about missing work phone calls, I have to go into work during the evenings for two to three hours. So, even though the total physical hours aren’t that many, mentally it feels like I’m kind of always at work.

Secondly, in order to go to work for even a few hours in the evenings, it means I basically have to slap hands with my wife when she gets home from work as I head out the door and fight traffic to get to wherever I need to be. By the time I get home, she’s often in bed. Not ideal.

On Thursdays and Fridays, I end up working longer days in order to catch up on everything I missed Monday-Wednesday.

It sounds like a weird situation.

Yeah, exactly. My total hours actually working during the week are probably 60% of what I was working before, but I’m still getting the same salary. So this is a huge win. But, the timing of my work hours isn’t perfect. I get way more time with my daughter than I would if I worked a normal schedule and it keeps her out of daycare; the downside is I get way less time with my wife. I also have a lot more time where I’m not working but I have to be thinking about work. Before, I could come home and not really worry about work until the next day. Now, work takes up a lot more mental headspace.

Was this how you imagined it would be when you first approached your boss about working part-time?

No, not exactly. I didn’t think it would be possible to keep the same salary AND keep my daughter out of daycare. Initially, when we made this plan, we had no idea if my boss would go for it or if he would just replace me entirely. We knew that going in and we decided it was worth it for me to work part-time (or not at all) in order to keep our daughter out of daycare and spend more time with her.

Our current schedule won’t work long-term, but we’re happy to keep doing it for the next few months. We plan on moving back to Montana in a year or two and we most likely won’t have the same earning potential once we leave Portland. In the fall, I will most likely only work two days per week, or I’ll quit entirely.

Overall, I enjoy my job (as far as jobs go) and my boss has been generous working with me. The fact that I’m able to walk away gives me the resolve to make sure the deal works for our family. We know we can always make more money, but we’ll never get this time back with our daughter. This gives me the power to be able to ask for what I want without fear.

How has your pursuit of financial independence changed your approach to parenthood?

Getting our finances in order has really opened the world up to us as far as options go. We have the ability to draw a hard line in the sand because we’ve been pursuing financial independence. We’ve lowered our expenses, built up a buffer, and saved our hard-earned money. Now we have the luxury to walk away from a job if it doesn’t fit with what we want our family life to look like. Even if you have no desire to stop working, you should strive to live below your means and invest the difference because someday your circumstance might change and you’ll want nothing more in the world than to clean up poop mid-morning on Monday.

Does the fact that your daughter is super cute make it easier for you to stay home with her?

Absolutely. She’s just so darn cute. Having an ugly less adorable baby would make being a stay-at-home dad a lot harder. Here’s what she looks like right now as I type this.

I would pay American dollars to hang out with a baby that fun and cute. The fact that she’s my baby and I’m required by law to provide for her basic needs is just icing on the cake. It’s a pretty good life.

Thank you, Mr. Burrito Bowl! What a great interview. People should probably request you on their podcasts.

Thanks, Mr. Burrito Bowl. Always a pleasure.

I’ll update again with a Part III if/when my work situation changes.

Hi, we’re in the future. Here’s Part III.

To the audience, thanks for reading the blog, by the way. That’s really nice of you. Here are a few more articles that you might enjoy if you just really want to read about our little family.

The Burrito Bowls Eating Burrito Bowls- Our 2018 Cost Per Meal Analysis

The Burrito Bowl Diaries Philosophy on Money and Investing

Elimination Communication- Potty Training Our Newborn

The Burrito Bowls Go To Walmart- The Untold True Story