It’s Monday morning. We didn’t sleep great last night and I’m especially foggy today. As I made my second cup of coffee I stared out the window at the traffic lights whizzing by in the dark. The moon was bright and I could still see stars. This was not the sort of time of day people are supposed to be up.
I felt the coming stress of the day creep in. It’s my day to watch June while Mrs. Burrito Bowl works. Whether I have the energy or not, I’m daddy today. Being there for her is a must. I have to take care of her needs regardless of my mood, energy, or stress levels.
As I stirred the coffee grounds a thought occurred to me: If I was one of those drivers whizzing by in the dark I’d almost certainly envy the man in the window stirring his coffee. I would look at him not as someone with a head full of stress, but as someone whose only responsibility was stirring coffee in his bathrobe.
“Who has time to blankly stare out the window at this hour of the day?”- Nancy, 6 am commuter
When I took a step back from myself I realized how great my morning actually was.
I was warm, indoors, wearing a bathrobe unironically, and drinking coffee. All of this was happening while my daughter slept peacefully in the next room. Other than having Mrs. Burrito Bowl home with me, I can’t imagine a more perfect morning. Life’s only requirement for me was to take care of the person I love the most. Also, there’s coffee.
A perfect moment was being ruined by my inability to block out the past and the future and just enjoy the present. Will I have the energy to get through the day? Why was June up so much during the night? What are we going to do about jobs once we move? How do you get passed the ghost archers of the Ringed City in Dark Souls III? None of those questions needed to be answered right then. At that moment all I needed to do was remain warm and drink coffee.
Life isn’t a place we’re going or even a place we’ve been. Life is the tiny mundane slice of now that we experience over and over.
Imagine being on vacation. Think about sitting on the beach, drink in hand, watching the sunset. All is well. Your worries have disappeared beneath the lapping waves and the tingle of complete relaxation tickles the skin up your spine.
Back to wherever you are when you’re reading this.
Something to notice about our daydreams is what our mind is thinking—or not thinking—during the daydream. Not the mind of you the daydreamer, but the mind of you the person IN the daydream.
As you sit on the beach you’re not thinking about bills or political discussions or even the fact that your vacation is almost over. You’re just enjoying the sunset. There is no past or future to ruin the present moment.
When we fantasize about being somewhere we currently aren’t, part of the allure of the fantasy is imagining ourselves being there in the moment. In our daydreams, we fully experience the sights and sounds around us. We never think of ourselves on vacation, but worrying about our jobs, or at the big game, but staring at our phones. Our focus is on the moment.
Once we actually find ourselves on that beach it can feel hollow. We no longer notice the sun and the breeze and the waves. Instead, we’re thinking about being somewhere else, even somewhere we don’t want to be. We’re thinking about how uncomfortable the chair is, or how much this is all going to cost.
We’re unsatisfied because our mind is somewhere other than in the moment.
The older I get the more I think just being there, fully present, is the key to a happy life. When I soak up what’s actually going on around me my happiness meter can be pegged, even though it’s 6 am on a Monday morning. Being on a warm beach at sunset wouldn’t make me any happier than I already am. If I experienced that beach while not being fully present I would find myself considerably less happy.
It’s easy to say that mentally being there is a priority, but it takes a lifetime to actually pull off. I struggle to be fully present. It’s a continual battle to not let the baggage of life weigh down what I’m experiencing.
Wherever you are, practice being there. Don’t let your mind run off to somewhere else. When you make coffee, focus on the coffee. Focus on how lucky you are to be spending this moment warm, indoors, about to enjoy some caffeine.
I’m sitting on my couch, feet propped up, enjoying a moment to be able to just think and type. When I back up 6 inches from my body I can see just how perfect this moment is. There are no expectations, just enjoyment.
Being there makes the good moments fuller and the bad moments tolerable.
Wherever you are, be there.
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Here are a few more articles about mindfulness, since you’re already right here in the moment.
Gratitude and a Lukewarm Shower
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