The Daily Struggle for Happiness

“Happiness comes with a struggle.”-famous thinker

I’m sure that’s a quote from someone important. I think a lot of us are feeling a general sense of melancholy lately. Picking a few areas to purposefully struggle in has really helped me to avoid that feeling of I’m worthless, I didn’t do anything today. Maybe viewing productivity through this structure will help you.

The goal isn’t to have an easy life, it’s to have a fulfilled life.

Daily struggle is important. When I don’t struggle I quickly find myself in a pit of melancholy despair. I’m sure this is normal. You’d think watching Netflix or playing video games all day would fill a person with unrelenting joy. For whatever reason, life doesn’t seem to work that way.

Humans need struggle. We need the feeling of accomplishment. The problem is a lot of us don’t have any focus. We just go through each day feeling overwhelmed at every moment until we get to the end of it and feel like we didn’t actually get anything done.

The problem isn’t that life has too few struggles. The problem is we aren’t being purposeful in choosing a few struggles to work on in the midst of the daily struggles that life throws our way.

If struggle is important then we have to decide what to struggle with. Life brings enough of its own hardships but I’m talking about something that we struggle with on our own accord, for ourselves. Something that we’d like to be better at, or something that makes us feel good once we’ve done it.

Simply getting through the day, no matter how chaotic, doesn’t fill me with the self-satisfaction that comes from spending a few minutes in one of my chosen struggles. But, it only takes a few minutes working within a chosen struggle for my mood and overall outlook to greatly improve.

Maybe for you, it’s an intellectual pursuit or finding time to knit. Maybe when you volunteer your time to help someone else it makes you feel the most satisfaction. Everyone’s ideal struggle will be different.

I’ve noticed there are a few areas in life that my ideal self would constantly improve in— ie areas where I enjoy the daily struggle. When I’m improving in these areas I feel more satisfied with my overall existence. When I fall out of practice in these areas I start to feel unbalanced.

Health, Writing, volunteering, and Music.

My chosen struggles are health, writing, volunteering, and music. If I’m practicing these things on a daily basis then I’m much more likely to be satisfied at the end of the day. If I spend some time in one, or more, of these areas I can go to sleep knowing I made progress.

I like to imagine how I’d fill my time when we reach this goal of early retirement. What would I like to do all day? How would I ideally like to spend my days on earth?

The goal of this exercise is to imagine what you’d choose to struggle with if all your normal life worries weren’t keeping you from what you really want to be doing.

Think about a few areas in life that you’d like to improve. Maybe you’ve always wanted to learn an instrument or get a better grasp of world history. Maybe getting in better shape is a big rock in your jar. The idea is to pick a few activities that make you feel good after you’ve spent some time doing them.

Then, purposefully set aside a little bit of time each day to do those activities. It doesn’t have to be hours. Even five minutes will do. Notice how/if your overall life satisfaction goes up.

My theory is, although life is chaotic and exhausting, the difference between feeling grounded and feeling like you’re just spinning your wheels comes down to spending a few minutes each day accomplishing something that makes you feel good.

None of the areas need to be a major time commitment. If I unload the dishwasher or sweep the floor I feel just a little bit better. If I spend some time learning a new song I feel just a little bit better. One set of push-ups or going for a walk consistently improves my mood.

During the pandemic, I’ve been watching my own mental health gas meter. Some days I feel great. Other days I feel like curling up in a ball. When I feel like curling up in a ball a quick remedy is to spend a few minutes doing one of these activities and then actually noting to myself that I’ve made progress.

Maybe this won’t work for you. It seems to be a pretty good recipe for me.

That’s the end of the article. If you want more of a breakdown for how I think of my areas then keep reading.

If you enjoyed this article please share it with your friends and enemies.

How to Ruin a Good Debt Payoff Story in Seven Easy Steps

How to do Something Hard- The 5-Day Fast

The Great Mask Debate- Social Norms and the Use of Force

Chosen Daily Struggles

Wow, you’re still here. Outstanding. So, health, music, volunteering, and writing. I chose these areas because these are all areas where I’d constantly like to improve but it’s easy for me to stop doing them. Being a good dad is way more important to me than being a good musician but I never have to convince myself to be a good dad. I don’t have to use any mental energy convincing myself to spend a few minutes being an attentive father. I do have to spend some mental energy convincing myself to do a few push-ups or practice my scales.

Maybe that helps to explain why ‘writing’ is one of my chosen struggles but ‘not murdering people I disagree with politically on Facebook’ isn’t. Maybe for you being an attentive parent is something you struggle with. In that case, it’d be a great chosen struggle to work on.

Anyway. I wanted to give that little disclaimer. Your chosen struggle(s) aren’t necessarily the most important things in your life. Rather, they’re just areas that bring you some joy or sense of accomplishment when you spend some time on them.

Health

The health category can be broken down into physical, mental, and maybe dietary. Dietary health works into physical health but I can start to feel unbalanced in terms of physical health if I focus too much on my diet but neglect exercise or vice versa.

Physical Health–

I feel better about life when I exercise regularly. Getting out of the exercise habit is no good for my physical or mental health.

One thing I try to keep in mind is my exercise routine doesn’t have to be an hour long. Even just doing one set of pull-ups or push-ups really helps to improve my mood.

Diet-

My diet has been relatively steady lately. I’m still doing intermittent fasting and that has kept my body from ballooning during this period of less than normal physical exertion.

I’m not religious about avoiding carbs but I have noticed, much to my annoyance, that when I happen to avoid carbs for a while my stomach is much less puffy. Damn.

Also, much to my annoyance, I’ve noticed when I eat too much junk I feel a general disdain for life.

If dieting or consistently eating healthy is an issue, read this article about the deal I make with myself when I want to eat junk.

Mental health-

This whole article is about improving mental health but it’s also a sub-category that I can specifically work on. Certain things either push me upward or pull me downward compared to the status quo. For instance, arguing with people on Facebook about politics makes my mental health do a nosedive. Spending a few minutes in my cold plunge tank makes my mental health skyrocket.

Taking the time to do the Wim Hof breathing exercises also generally improves my mood.

It’s wild to me that I don’t just do all of these things automatically. Why would I ever engage in a political argument on Facebook or Twitter? It never improves my mood. Getting in the cold plunge is hard and it hurts but I’ve never regretted it. The same goes for exercise. I’ve never finished a workout and thought Damn, I wish I didn’t just do that.

I know what it takes to achieve success in terms of health. You’d think compliance would be automatic. People are weird, man.

Writing

Writing is a huge part of me. I’m a natural writer. It helps me get my thoughts out. Writing things down sort of releases all these thoughts so they aren’t bouncing around in my head. I end up not publishing most of the articles I write because they just don’t feel applicable. I understand that many of the posts I do publish aren’t applicable but even by my standards many of my draft articles are just too meandering for public consumption.

That being said, I am still struggling with focus on this blog. This is an area where I haven’t entirely cracked the code for optimum happiness. People will say to write about what you enjoy and that’s fine but a big part of the joy comes from people reacting or relating to my writing. If I really enjoy writing about my thoughts on religion but nobody connects with it then it’s not as enjoyable as it could be. This is a constant internal struggle but not exactly the beneficial kind.

The key to fulfilling the happiness category of Writing is that I keep working at it. For now, it doesn’t matter if I write a humorous post or a deep dive into finances. As long as I’m writing I am able to keep that feeling of melancholy at bay.

Volunteering

The volunteering struggle is a big one. I enjoy doing what I want with my time but I always feel better at the end of the day if I spend at least some time doing things for other people. Maybe that’s unloading the dishwasher for my mom (we live in my parent’s basement, nbd) or helping my brother with some random yard projects.

The other areas are my own selfish pursuits. Selfish pursuits are important. If you don’t spend time filling up your own bucket then you’ll have nothing to give anyone else.  Stepping outside yourself and doing something for other people, no matter how small, is a pretty surefire way to improve your outlook.

Music

Music has been a big part of my life for as long as I can remember. I enjoy playing music. There’s a certain groove you get into with music where it’s almost like a meditation. You’re not thinking about all the other nonsense in life because you’re concentrating on remembering the next verse. I enjoy that.

But also, I hate it.

I actually don’t really enjoy playing in front of people. Mostly I just want to get through the song so people stop looking at me. I get nervous and am constantly worried that people won’t like my song selection, or voice, or the fact that some guy is playing guitar while they’re trying to visit.

I think a lot of people get stage fright. For me, it’s something that I feel the need to conquer. The struggle to get over my stage fright is something that seems like a worthwhile pursuit.

So. The Music category can be broken down slightly. I enjoy getting better at the actual craft of music ie learning new songs, getting better at soloing, finding my voice, etc.

But I also enjoy the struggle of overcoming fear. Anytime I play music in front of people I feel good afterward because I overcame a fear. There’s a rush that comes with being afraid and doing something anyway.

Playing music is something that I’d ideally do often in retirement. When I imagine my life once we retire, playing music will be part of it.

Burrito Wrap-up

See what I did there? Classic. So those are the three areas that I enjoy putting my struggle energy into. When I’m doing all four I tend to feel pretty good. When I get too focused on one or the other I start to feel unbalanced. If I stop doing all of them it’s not long before I feel depressed.

I think a lot of us probably have a few things that we need to be working on in order to feel fulfilled. Those are mine. What are yours?