How to Participate in the American Election Without Being a Complete Dick

I recently came to a revelation: We should be nice to each other this election season. Boom. I know. Let me explain how I got here.

[I made a clean version of this post. You can read it instead if you’d rather.]

So things are starting to heat up politically. There have been a lot of online discussions about which candidate is best and which ones are the worst candidates of all-time. They mostly leave everyone feeling angry and unchanged. Part of the reason we leave angry is the other side rarely seems to even hear our reasons for why we see things the way we do.

A lot of people I know are planning to vote for Donald Trump. I think he’s an obvious cartoon Disney villain. But, I like a lot of the people who still feel compelled to vote for him, so I decided to really try and understand their side of things.

Full disclosure: I’m a left-leaning liberal, at least at this stage of life. I bring my own confirmation bias into this election cycle but I genuinely wanted to see what it would take to convince myself to vote for Donald Trump. It was a fun time.

I feel I did a good job of remaining as impartial as possible. I actually thought I might vote for Donald Trump for a while there. But, I also think he’s the most dislikable villain since Biff from Back to the Future II.

It’s a weird time politically.

Why are we here?

The initial goal of this little endeavor was to see what would need to change—either in myself or in the party—for me to become a Republican this election. Also, I’m just tired of people not bothering to really see the other side of things.

It turns out, it wouldn’t take much for me to flip sides. If I mentally rearrange the importance of just a few issues it becomes pretty easy to vote for Donald Trump.

When I attempted to view Republican policies through the lens of someone supportive of those views they made a lot more sense. They also didn’t seem quite as evil. When I put my Democrat glasses back on those views became sinister again.

So now the goal of this post is to get us to start viewing people from the opposing side as good people—AKA fellow American citizens—who make a different value judgment on which issues are most important.

During my vision quest, I realized something obvious: The fringes of each party are incredibly annoying. Also, the middle portion of each party is filled with likable folks who have some solid points.  Over the next several paragraphs I will unapologetically mock both sides of the political aisle. I’ll also defend both sides. Then we’ll hug at the end.

Let’s jump to it.

The far-right and the far-left are in a constant battle to see who can be more infuriating and push potential allies to the other side. I’ll go on Facebook and listen to Republicans talk about how Donald Trump is basically Jesus with a spray tan despite having video evidence that he’s the exact opposite of Jesus in almost every conceivable way. It’s as though they think I don’t have actual eyeballs in my head and can’t see or read what he’s doing.

But then I get on Twitter and realize a lot of liberals are out to lunch. If you disagree with a Republican they’ll think you’re stupid. If you’re not deemed liberal enough for the woke left they’ll form a hyaena inspired attack pack on you.

It’s upsetting.

And it’s like, Jesus, man. Now I want to vote Republican because the left can be so obnoxious when you don’t agree with them. Not everyone is racist or sexist just because they disagree with you on what’s best for the country.

But then I watch a clip of President Trump opening his mouth and making noises and it pushes me back to the Democratic side. He’s a bully, a liar, and may God help you if you ever disagree with him. But, he’s a Republican, and he gets things done, so people vote for him.

He’s also pro-life. For a huge swath of the country, this is the only thing that matters. It’s a big enough deal for many fundamentalist Christians that they’ll vote for, and defend, an actual semi-erect penis if it agrees with them on this issue.

And the rest of us just throw our hands up in bewilderment while the current President continually acts in the exact opposite manner of Jesus. But, he’s anti-abortion.

Side Note: Abortions don't actually go down during Republican administrations. The highest number of CDC reported abortions came in 1990 under H.W. Bush. The total number of abortions have dropped each year since then. Fewer abortions happen when people have access to sex education and contraceptives. Ironically these are two things Republicans don't seem to be all that into. 

Simply having a Republican in office doesn't seem to do the trick of lowering total abortions. But, it's a fun rally cry and the reason Republicans can feel morally superior.

Not everyone is a Republican because of their faith. Some people just think Republicans are better fiscally. I tend to agree. Other Republicans just want the government to stay out of their business. I also want the government to get off my lawn. There’s a lot to like about the Republican party.

There’s also a lot to like about the Democratic party. Notably, their heart. Democrats seem to really have their heart in the right place. Usually.

Then I’ll get back on Twitter and see something like this happen…

Exhausting.

If we could start over, we could kick both fringes to the curb and form one super party of rationally thinking adults.

I realize many people cannot imagine casting a vote for the candidate that looks and acts like someone melted an orange crayon, rolled it in a vat of Cheeto dust, molded it into the shape of a semi-erect penis, melted it again slightly, then gave it a mouth, a prescription for speed, and a microphone…but here we are.

I also realize many people cannot imagine voting for a character from the Muppets who wants to take all their money.

So what DO we want in a President?

Actually, let’s talk about that for a minute. It’s a bit of a rabbit trail, but I think it’s worth it. And, I already wrote it all down, so let’s just read it.

What do we want in a President?

I’ve spent a fair amount of time listening to people who are very sure that they’re in the right on both sides of the political aisle. One thing I’ve noticed is they actually want the presidency to represent different things.

A super boiled down conclusion I’ve come to is people on the left want the President to BE certain things while people on the right want the President to DO certain things.

This reverses slightly when the other party is in office, but overall I think it holds true. If you can understand this divide you can understand how people on the right can tacitly admit that President Trump has some faults but still think he’s doing a good job and is worthy of a second-term.

People on the left don’t like his policies so they focus on who he is as a person. As a person, he’s atrocious. He doesn’t endear America to the rest of the world. He makes us look like assholes. We should care about that. But, we should also care about building a stronger America.

Should the President be Our Moral Representative to the World or Our Policy Pusher?

So, Donald Trump is no Mr. Rogers. But where is the line on how bad of an actor you can be before it overwhelms your policies? He walks around being gross to everyone who even mildly disagrees with him. He lies, he dresses poorly, he says politically incorrect things.

Every twenty minutes he’s doing something that up until 2016 would be considered unpresidential. There’s such an avalanche of evidence to support the idea that he’s not a moral character that it all starts to look normal. He’s able to whitewash his own image by drowning us in controversy to the point that even liberals are tired of hearing about his latest faux pas.

It’s (nearly) impossible to rationalize supporting him when your desire is for the President to BE certain things.

But, Donald Trump is actually doing what he campaigned on. People on both sides of the aisle are tired of candidates who promise one thing and actually deliver something totally different. Whether or not you like his policies you have to admit he’s able to muscle a lot of them through.

So should compassionate Republicans vote Democrat simply because Donald Trump acts like such a human compost bin? What if you like his policies but make no excuse for his behavior? Which side wins in that mental tug-of-war?

Generally speaking…

Liberals seem to be a more empathetic bunch.

They put themselves in the shoes of the least fortunate and vote to decide what to do based on what they’d want if they happened to be in that spot. Even if it doesn’t make logical sense, they lead with their heart, not their head.

They say things like, “Stop the shootings NOW!” -OR- “Everyone deserves a livable wage!” -OR- “Let the refugees in!” But they don’t offer very realistic solutions on how to get these things done and they get mad when people point out simply yelling isn’t a solution.

That’s why Bernie Sanders with his “Tax the rich and everyone gets free stuff” campaign is so alluring.

Conservatives seem to be a more practical bunch.

They’re the ones who say things like, “You can’t just raise the minimum wage to $15/hr and expect that to work. Small business owners will just hire fewer people or they just won’t survive.” -OR- “We can’t just let everyone into our country.” -OR- “Taking guns away from law-abiding citizens won’t actually stop bad guys from shooting people.” They lead with their head, not their heart.

We need both sides of the coin to keep moving our country forward. Republicans are the hardworking backbone of the country. Democrats are the motherly love. Republicans lead the pack of lions, Democrats help the wounded keep up. We need both. It would be a shitty country if we just had one or the other.

When we think of ourselves as clearly right and the other guys as clearly wrong it’s easy to lose our heads and start treating them like enemies. They aren’t your enemy. They’re the other side of the coin. They’re fellow Americans who are attempting to steer the ship of our nation to a better place.

How to Discuss Politics without Being a Complete Dick

A lot of you probably agree with how I’ve summed up each side and a lot of you probably disagree. Was it borderline inappropriate for me to draw President Trump as a giant orange penis? Well, probably. But, it’s pretty funny. And that’s key number one. You can get away with a lot if you’re funny.

When you choose to attack the other side you need to do one of two things: 1) accurately represent their view OR 2) be funny.

Being funny is pretty self-explanatory, so let’s talk about how to accurately represent someone’s view.

What happens a lot is people build straw men out of their opponent’s views. They’ll say things like, “Democrats are FOR killing babies.” -OR- “Republicans are FOR separating children from their parents.” You can certainly argue these are byproducts of each policy, but it’s definitely not what they’re for.

Republicans are for border security, NOT separating children from their parents. Democrats are for a woman’s choice to choose, NOT for killing babies.

When you’re debating someone it goes a long way when you give them the respect of actually stating their real views, not the straw-like version of their views that’s easy to defeat.

Real views are messy. Something dies during an abortion. However you define that something, it’s not a happy situation. Most of the Democrats I know agonize over the idea of abortion. But, they ultimately feel like the state shouldn’t step in and make it illegal.

Most of the Republicans I know genuinely don’t hate homosexuals, they just feel marriage should be between a man and a woman. I don’t get it. I can’t wrap my head around caring more for the definition of marriage than for the actual people. But, calling them homophobic won’t change their mind and it’s not true.

The thing is, you have to ask WHY you’re having the conversation in the first place. Theoretically, you’re going through all the trouble in order to change the other person’s mind.

If you start by saying, “You’re for killing babies,” you stand a 0% chance of making any actual progress with the other person. Even if you equate being pro-choice with killing babies it does no good to start off this way.

If you start by saying, “You’re just homophobic,” you’re not going to convince them that the golden rule should supersede their notion that homosexuality is a sin.

People on your side might cheer for you, but they’re already on your side. Everyone on the opposite side—the side you’re supposed to be trying to reason with—immediately dismisses you because you didn’t even bother to state their real view.

If you start out by saying, “You’re for a woman’s right to choose and I’m pro-life because of x, y and z” you might make some headway. At the very least you’ll have a much more pleasant interaction.

Just as important as how we TALK to people on the other side is how we THINK of people on the other side.

By thinking of Democrats as people who just want free handouts it’s easy to disregard everything else they say. By thinking of Democrats as people who genuinely have a heart for the poor it’s a lot easier to imagine being on the same team as them.

People aren’t pro-choice because they hate babies and they aren’t pro-life because they hate women. We need to stop seeing each other as enemies.

Ultimately, despite not really being religious anymore, I can’t stomach voting for someone who so clearly goes against the teachings of Jesus. I feel like Donald Trump honestly just needs someone to tell him he’s worthy of love. His behavior is a reaction to some pain he’s holding deep down.

I can’t vote for him. But man, I feel a lot of empathy for him. I wouldn’t trade places with him for all the money in the world.

But I get it. Republicans, for the most part, aren’t voting for Trump because they like the wedge that’s building in our country. They’re for protecting babies, keeping the economy strong, and building a stronger America.

Calling Trump supporters racists and bigoted and any other pejorative we can think of is fun, but not helpful. Some Republicans are those things, but most are good people who view the world from a different lens.

Democrats aren’t for ruining the economy, killing babies, or any of the other fallacies thrown their way. They’re FOR equality and equity. They’re FOR those who’ve historically been voiceless and downtrodden. Even if that’s not your thing, it should make you proud to be part of a country where people will actively vote against their own interests if they think it’s in the interest of someone less fortunate than them.

That’s beautiful, and one of the most Christ-like things I can think of.

Let’s start seeing everyone for the good that’s in them.

As cheesy as this poster is, I think it’s important to jump out of our own skin and view the world from the eyes of those who aren’t quite as lucky as us.

I know a lot of good people who voted for Donald Trump in 2016 and plan to do it again. Most of them aren’t bad people. They just put the importance of the issues in a different order than I do.

For me, how you treat people is more important than if you’re pro-life or pro-choice. It’s also more important than my desire for the stock market to remain on fire. This means voting against my own financial interest as a Democrat in office will likely cost me in that regard. Knowing I took a stand against what I find morally reprehensible is worth more.

But that’s just my opinion and the place in the sand where I’ve chosen to draw a line. And that’s kind of the thing. You can vote for Donald Trump or the Democratic candidate without being a dick. It’s all about how you treat, talk to, and even think about, the people who are voting differently than you.

Okay, group hug.

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