Before we really get into it, I don’t know if these steps will actually work or not. I’ll just be upfront about that. I don’t know if these steps will work because I already show up to places on f*cking time. I have no way of testing these steps because I don’t need these steps. But if you’re someone who is chronically late this will benefit you.
An unsettling amount of my family is chronically late. Ironically, there is probably at least one or two relatives of Mr. Burrito Bowl, reading this post just real quick, right now, before they head out the door. They will inevitably be late for whatever they were supposed to be at.
The below steps are designed to help you identify if you are a chronically late person and how you can change so you finally get things other than watches for Christmas.
1) Admit You are a Chronically Late Person
You would think that this would be a no brainer but my mind is boggled talking to people who are always late who don’t realize they are always late. Each time seems like a one time fluke to them. They just show up and are surprised they failed to make it anywhere close to the time they were supposed to.
If you are unsure if this is you, here’s a test: Do people tell you to show up at weird times, like 6:45?
Hint: Nobody meets at 6:45
If people tell you to meet at 6:45 it’s because everyone else is meeting at 7:00 but we all agree you will be late so we tell you the wrong time on purpose. Then, when you show up at 7:15 we only each wasted 15 minutes of our time instead of the traditional half hour.
2) Realize You Don’t Have to Always be Chronically Late
The next step is to understand in your heart and core that you don’t HAVE to show up late to every goddamn appointment you’re supposed to be at. You could, wait for it…show up on time. Being on time is something you are allowed to do. You can shock the masses by changing up your pattern and showing up whenever you were originally scheduled to.
Start today. Just for the hell of it, show up on time somewhere. See how it feels. Test it out. It will feel weird at first but you’ll notice the people you’re with will be in a slightly better mood because they didn’t just spend the last half hour waiting for you to show up so they could order dinner.
3) Identify the Catch Phrase that Makes You Chronically Late
This one is the most important and tangible step. The reason chronically late people are late is because they try to squeeze in one or two extra chores before leaving. It’s a sickness. If you find yourself saying, “I just need to REAL QUICK check my email.” That should be a dead giveaway for you that you’re about to be late. There is no such thing as real quick. If you have to say the words “real quick” it’s because you don’t actually have enough time to do that task.
On-time person: Hey, we need to leave now if we don’t want to be late to dinner .
Late person: Ok, we should be fine. I just need to real quick fold the laundry.
No. No you do not. You don’t need to fold the laundry, or make a grocery list, or check your email. You need to get in the f*cking car.
Not every late person says “real quick.” Some late people will say, “I just have to…” They need to be somewhere but they just have to stop by the bank, return a pair of jeans, find their keys, etc. If you are a late person then you almost certainly have a catch phrase you use to give yourself the excuse to do one more thing before leaving.
When you hear yourself saying, “I need to real quick,” or “I just have to…” just stop. Understand in your heart that if you attempt to complete whatever irrelevant task you’re thinking about doing, you will be late. I know you think you won’t be late because it’s just a real quick little task you just have to do. If you do that task, you will be late. Do NOT do that task.
4) Start Accounting for Time in Between Transit
Late people will look you dead in the eye while checking their email at 6:30pm and say stuff like, “Dinner is at seven but the restaurant is only twenty minutes away so we don’t need to leave for another ten minutes.”
They aren’t joking or having a laugh. They really mean it. It takes twenty minutes to drive to the restaurant so why leave more than twenty minutes before you want to get there?
What they fail to take into account is the fifteen minutes it will take to find everything they need and actually walk out the door, the fact that the restaurant is downtown so they’ll have to drive around looking for parking and probably end up walking several blocks, and the fact that they’re still in their goddamn pajamas.
Predictably they arrive for their 7:00pm dinner reservations at 7:45 and can’t figure out why it seems like everyone is irritated at them.
5) Late People Try to Show up On-Time, On-Time People Try to Show up Early
A key difference between late people and on-time people is late people attempt to make it at exactly the time they need to be there. They leave no room for anything outside of their control. On-time people leave early so if something comes up, they’ll still be on time.
Late people have to say stuff like, “Sorry I’m late, traffic was bad.” Yeah, it’s 5:00 on a Tuesday, of course traffic was bad. That’s why we all left half an hour before we had to be here, not four minutes.
Mind-Blowing Fact:On-time people battle the same traffic as late people, they just leave earlier.
We as humans collectively waste years of our lives waiting for late people. Everyone is late from time to time. Only a select few are chronically late.
Being late is not a victimless crime. I hate small talk. I fear it and I loathe it. Showing up late is enticing because I wouldn’t have to stand around making small talk while we wait for the late people. I do it anyway. I do it anyway because to be late is bitch slapping everyone else who showed up on time.
I account for things outside of my control so I end up showing up ten minutes early, most of the time. Sometimes traffic is bad and I show up just on time. Rarely traffic is bad and I forgot I needed gas so I show up late. Usually, neither of these are a factor and I show up early. The real kick in the pants is I, as an on-time person, have to participate in additional small talk because we’re waiting for the late people.
Why don’t late people just leave earlier?
Notice that nowhere in this article is the plea to “Just leave earlier.” I negated this helpful piece of advice because late people hear this all the time. It makes no difference.
Telling a late person to leave earlier is akin to telling them to stop being late. It does no good. We have to meet late people where they’re at. Some late people enjoy being late and they don’t want to change. Some simply lack the hard and fast steps needed to combat this continuous predicament.
If you have a late person in your life show them this article. Don’t tell them to be on time. Give them the steps to enable them to show up on time for themselves. The power they feel when they realize they have the ability within them to not be late will be life changing.
If they can be on time, what else can they do? Once a late person shows up on time the world becomes their oyster. Things that once seemed impossible are suddenly within reach. Give them that power.
Why Some Late People WANT to be Late
Recently I found out an unsettling truth. Many late people actually prefer being late. I was talking to one of my chronically late friends and they said, and I shit you not,
“I don’t like showing up on time because then you have to sit around and wait for the late people.”
Son. of. a. bitch. You are the f*cking late people! If you’d show up on time no one would have to sit around waiting. That’s why we all agree on a time to meet in the first place.
Listen, if you’re a chronically late person, there is hope for you. Follow these steps. Write them on your heart. As Captain Planet used to say, “The Power is Yours!”
If you enjoyed this article please share it with your chronically late friends and enemies.
You’ve got nowhere to be. Why don’t you read one of these other articles?
- The $2 Meal When I Don’t Pack a Lunch
- Purchasing Financial Independence $11.57 at a Time
- The 5 Most Important Life Lessons I’ve Learned Shooting Water Up My Nose
Did you know? Sharing this will make you happy!
