Why Your Phone is Making You Kind of Sad

I have bad news. Your phone is making you sad. On the surface phones are great. They allow us to escape any moment at the drop of a hat, but they come at a steep price. That price is sadness.

Whenever we feel even the slightest twinge of boredom we can instantly run inside the tiny black mirror of our own personal computer. Thirty second Elevator ride? Phone. Waiting in line for five minutes? Phone. Watching a show with lots of small details and subtle hints that you’ll for sure miss if you don’t pay close attention? Phone.

Initially smart phones were a way to increase our happiness. We’d pull them out as a way to escape the boring parts of regular life. Now, over a decade after the release of the iPhone, we’re helplessly addicted. We get sucked in to the constant scroll and end up skipping not only the mundane moments, but the important ones too. We’re all guilty of this to some degree. Our phones don’t just come out out when we’re waiting in line by ourselves, they come out when we’re waiting in lines with friends. We pull our phones out when we’re having dinner with family, when we’re at concerts, and when we’re on scenic hikes. We pull our phones out and look down, while life right in front of us passes by. Don’t worry, we can do something to curb all this phone sadness.

Moments that should be memories are lost because we’re looking down.

Look out over any crowd and you’ll see a bunch of zombies face down in their screens. I often catch myself doing the same thing. It’s hard to just be in the moment and let that be enough. If I’m not actively thinking about it I’ll instinctively reach for my phone as soon as there’s any pause in action. When I make the effort to leave my phone where it is and just take in the moment, I get antsy. It’s hard.

Did you think I was going to say I feel instantly better when I leave my phone in my pocket? I don’t. It’s hard to just wait in line. It’s hard to give the opening act our full attention. But, we need to do it. It’s hard to look around and notice the sun and the wind and the traffic and just let it all be enough rather than opting to take the quick way out of the moment by grabbing our phones.

As humans we need those moments of boredom. Those moments where not much is happening. We’re redlining our brains from the second we wake up until the second we fall asleep. Information is bombarding us constantly and we’re addicted to each new notification. Each new ‘like’ gives us a small boost, but ultimately leaves us feeling unfulfilled. There is no amount of ‘likes’ you can get that will leave you satisfied. No amount of retweets will bring you lasting happiness.

Phones are amazing…but.

We misuse the word amazing a lot, but Phones ARE amazing. Phones do magic. They are magical computers of science fiction. There’s a good chance you’re reading this article on your phone right now. There’s also a good chance you’re reading it while halfway watching TV. You might even be tempted to check Twitter halfway through if you’re really wild. If we could manage to only use our phone powers for good, then they’d be the greatest invention ever. As it is, they’re the most golden of golden handcuffs.

Before the invention of smart phones very few of us really knew what it felt like to be addicted to something. Now, we all know that feeling. We used to be able to look at drug addicts and wonder Why can’t you just…stop? Now it’s more uncomfortable to ask those questions without the irony hitting us over the head. We’re just as addicted as they are, ours is just more socially acceptable. We can turn the question around on ourselves if we’re brave enough. Can you just stop? Can you put your phone down and leave it there all day? Why not? Why can’t you just…stop?

Not all phone uses are bad.

So far I’ve spent a lot of time bashing phones. They do have some great qualities, though. Knowing where you’re going with some type of navigation app is pretty handy. Having an endless music selection is neat too, but it increases our stress and can actually make us less happy due to option overload.

I find podcasts to be a great tool to help pass (and actually make me look forward to) the monotony of a commute, or certain parts of my job. So, phones can be pretty great.

There are definitely parts of my job where even listening to a podcast is a detriment. Sometimes when I listen to podcasts I end up doing a noticeably worse job than I would have if my concentration was 100% on my work. Not only do I do worse, but I’m more stressed out. I end up repeating myself when I’m at work if I’m not completely focused on my job.

Using our phones to multitask wouldn’t be so bad if the only downside was finding ourselves doing a slightly worse job at our primary activities. It would still be bad, just not so bad.  What makes our phones so insidious is the way they slowly steal our joy. We don’t notice it at first because it feels good to divide our attention and escape our reality. It feels good to have the option to dart from one focus to the next. But, over time, you get less and less of a boost from this momentary escape. Eventually you’re left numb and bored. At some point the realization hits: Every second you’re looking at your phone is a second you’re not experiencing the real life that’s right in front of you. 

Your life isn’t what’s inside your phone. It’s what’s outside your phone, and you’re missing it.

The price we pay for the convenience to mentally check out is we don’t fully experience anything anymore. Life is made up of individual moments and we miss way too many of them because our eyes are glued to our phones. We’re checking Facebook and Twitter and Instagram to see pictures of other people experiencing moments, and we’re missing the moments right in front of us.

The great irony is those people also missed their moment. They didn’t just watch the concert and let that be enough. Instead, they had their phone out filming random clips the whole time. When their favorite song came on they watched the entire thing through the lens of their phone because they wanted to capture the moment. They traded the moment of seeing their favorite musician perform their favorite song for the fleeting feeling of getting more likes on Instagram. We in turn, traded whatever moment we were experiencing for the privilege of watching their video.

At my best times I’m conscious of this and I keep my phone in my pocket. At my worst times, I get wrapped up in the addiction, and I’m just like the masses.

The relief of a ‘NO PHONES’ policy.

A lot of musicians and comedians have started having a ‘no phones’ policy during their shows. The crowds are generally very in favor of this policy. It makes for a better experience for everyone involved. People spend their time actually listening to the opening acts, and talking with people around them. The musicians feel a better connection to the crowd because they make eye contact with the person, not the person’s phone. Having a ‘no phones’ policy gives people a mental break from feeling like they have to be documenting the experience. Instead, they get to relax, and just experience the experience. It’s an excuse to take a couple hours and mentally check out from the social media rat race.

While we’re on the topic of documenting experiences, here’s a general rule of filming stuff with your phone: If you wouldn’t want to watch this same clip if it was filmed by someone else, don’t film it.

Have you ever looked up thirty second clips of concerts filmed on a phone? No. Because nobody wants to watch that. Just like you, we also have the internet. If we want to watch videos of Drake we’ll look on Youtube for a video of the entire song professionally recorded, not a thirty second phone clip from somewhere in the nosebleed section. Also, don’t film random plays in a sports game. Even if you happen to film the three-point shot going in at the buzzer, nobody wants to watch it. ESPN for sure has a better camera angle of the same shot.

Becoming less of an addict

Everyone just put your phones away and live life.  We aren’t meant to be experiencing life through our tiny phone screens. Once Elon Musk creates the perfect simulation game we’ll all just do that instead of regular life. Until then, let’s get off our phones.

Let’s stop using it as an instant escape. Be conscious of the fact that you, like me, are addicted to your phone. We don’t have to remain unwitting slaves to our addiction. Put your phone down and let the moment be enough. Do it because most people are dead. Most people are dead and too many of the alive ones are looking at their phones instead of living. At the end of the day, we’re all trying to be happy. Staring at your phone for hours on end isn’t getting you there. In fact, it’s doing the opposite. It’s making you kind of sad.

When you catch yourself mindlessly scrolling through your phone, stop and think This moment is enough. Then, put your phone down and experience the moment. It’s okay to be bored, and uncomfortable. It’s okay to not have something to do with your hands. If you feel like just standing there is wasting your time, it’s not. You’re not just standing there, you’re becoming a little less reliant on external stimuli. You’re becoming a little less addicted. Over time you’ll be happier if you break the habit of constantly reaching for your phone. Let this moment be enough.

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