We all want to be successful. Life is inherently unfair and hard work isn’t always the determining factor in where we end up. Sometimes you work harder than the person next to you and they’re the ones who get the job. The world can be a cold mistress.
So what do we do, assuming we weren’t born with a silver spoon? This will border on being a controversial statement, but hear me out: Stop blaming society for your problems.
It’s not your fault, but you may as well take responsibility.
Feel motivated? Okay. I’ll expand.
This is not the type of post where I suggest people don’t have legitimate gripes about how our society as a whole functions. This is the post where I say, on an individual basis, it doesn’t matter. Society is what it is. Your obstacles are what they are. If you want to be successful you have to ignore that voice in your head that says, “This isn’t fair.”
I know a lot of people who are struggling to make a life for themselves. It feels like they’re spinning their wheels and can’t get ahead. Life is hard, and it’s awesome, but it also sucks, and it’s up to you to make it better. These are all true things.
Here’s the situation. We’re all in the water just trying to stay afloat. There’s a ship called Ship Success. Once you reach that ship you don’t have to worry so much about drowning.
It looks like this…
Some people find themselves really close to the ship, and some people are really far away.
You might be here…
Or over here…
Or even way back here…
The point is, no matter where you are, it’s up to you to swim towards the boat.
Much like politics, there seem to be two camps of people when it comes to assigning blame for why our lives don’t turn out the way we want them to.
The first camp is the Pull yourself up by your bootstrap camp. The second camp is the It’s not your fault, it’s societies fault camp. Both are partially right.
There’s a lot of frustration when people talk about this issue of where the blame should rest for the situation we find ourselves in. People get flustered and start being mean to each other. If you’re one of those people you should read this post about being nice to people you disagree with.
Anyway.
The first camp seems to be filled with people who were born pretty close to the ship. It wasn’t easy, they still had to struggle, but they eventually were able to get there. They feel they worked really hard to become successful and it’s annoying to see people sitting there pouting about how they aren’t successful because their ship situation was different.
Some people can become successful by only giving a 5 out of 10 in terms of effort. For other people, it takes a 10/10.
The second camp sees a society that has all these checks and balances in place that make it a lot harder for some people to get to the ship than others. Some folks get help swimming, and some folks have people actively attempting to drown them.
To make matters worse, there are people like this guy…
Who had this dad…
telling you…
who had this dad…
that he’s successful and you’re not because you don’t work hard enough.
It’s upsetting. He didn’t even spell bootstraps right.
Here’s the more upsetting thing:
This guy…
…is right.
He’s not right about the second part, the part where he thinks all of his success is due to his own hard work. But he is right about the first part. People DO need to pull themselves up by their own bootstraps if they want to be pulled up at all because no one else will do it for them.
It’s true that some people’s swim towards the ship is a lot more perilous than others. There’s no denying the fact that some people drew the short straw, or the long swim, as it were.
And these sympathetic voices…
…aren’t helping.
This isn’t a commentary on whether or not the ship situation is fair. It’s obviously not fair. It’s a commentary that if you want to be successful it’s up to you to make that happen. This is particularly true if you’re someone who doesn’t come from an advantaged upbringing.
I think it’s really good for society that there’s a second camp that’s attempting to make America, and our planet as a whole, a more equitable place to be.
Some people are doing their best to make sure everybody at least has a fighting chance to reach Ship Success.
As a society, we need to acknowledge some of the systems that are holding people down in their poverty. We need to be working at making the world a better place where outcomes are determined a little more by how hard you work and a little less by who your parents are, the color of your skin, your gender, or your nationality. We also need to admit that life is not, and will never be, totally fair.
I’m not at all suggesting that collectively we need to leave people in the water. We should help them as much as we possibly can. I’m saying that if you personally find yourself in the water you need to find the fire in your belly and start swimming towards the ship.
Nobody Cares if You Drown.
The next cold realization is that nobody really cares if you drown. I mean, if you literally drowned people would care. But if you wallow in misery, barely treading water, very few will notice.
This isn’t coming from a proud boot-puller-upper who thinks people who aren’t on the ship are just lazy or that society has no hand in how things shake out. I was born pretty close to the ship when I popped out of the womb. I acknowledge that.
Some people have to climb a mountain in order to be successful and some people just have to walk down an easy path.
I had a pretty easy path to success. I had to keep my head down and keep working hard, but nobody was actively trying to pull me under. But I also didn’t detour. I played it safe and kept swimming while some people around me had fun and played in the water.
I’ve watched droves of people—who ALSO came out pretty close to the ship—stay stuck treading water. Being born with privilege doesn’t guarantee success. I’ve also watched people who were born far away from the ship become far more successful than I am. Being born without privilege isn’t a death sentence.
No matter who wins the election, nobody is coming to rescue you. Nobody can really keep you afloat if you stop trying to swim. No one can force you into the boat.
If you want to make a better life for yourself you have to ignore the voices that say, “It’s okay, this isn’t your fault.” It’s nice to hear people say that. It’s comforting to know that people realize you had it harder than other people. But they’re not going to pull you out of the water. Nobody can pull you out except you.
It’s Not Your Fault, But It May as Well Be
Maybe today you’re reading this with hundreds of thousands of dollars in student loan debt. Yeah, it’s not fair that college for our generation costs so much. Some of the older generations paid tuition by looking for loose change in the Corvette they bought with a summer job flipping burgers. They have the audacity to look at you and say, “You did this to yourself.”
It’s maddening and lacking in self-awareness.
But, here you are with hundreds of thousands of dollars in student loan debt. Nobody will blame you if you stay stuck living a life that you don’t want and you didn’t ask for. Also, nobody will come to pick you up and carry you closer to your goals.
You don’t have to be most people.
The pendulum has swung away from the Pull yourself up by your bootstraps crowd and into a more accepting You’re beautiful the way you are crowd.
On the one hand, this is great because nobody should feel embarrassed about, or be shamed by, who they are. You don’t have to be a size 2 in order to be beautiful. You don’t have to earn six-figures to be proud of the work you do. We need to accept people for who they are and we need to feel accepted.
But, on the other hand, nature doesn’t care about being politically incorrect.
I wish everyone could feel great about themselves and also experience no adverse side-effects. That’s just not how life is. If you eat garbage, never exercise, and don’t ever feel the satisfaction of being productive, you’re not going to be happy with yourself. As a society, we need to love people no matter who or where they are. As an individual, you need to get your ass in gear.
At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter who made the mess, it’s up to you to clean it up.
I think we all have a responsibility to do what we can to level the playing field. But don’t let someone tell you that it’s society’s fault that you’re not where you want to be. They might be right, but that doesn’t help you.
It might be a work smarter not harder situation for you. Maybe you’re already working as hard as you can and not gaining any traction. You might need to stop and take a minute to notice the current of the water around you.
The best thing might be cutting back and working fewer hours in order to have more time to carve out a new path. Maybe reaching success would be as simple as picking up a few more shifts and plugging the holes in your discretionary spending.
Maybe reaching success means starting over in a totally new career path. It might take you five years to become a plumber, but you could do that. Five years from now you could be making really good money in the trades or you could be doing the same thing.
Shoot, man. Success might not be anything financial for you. Maybe success is repairing a relationship or getting your body healthier. Maybe it’s focusing on what makes you, as an individual, happy.
Whatever your path to the ship looks like, take some time to set a plan of action to get there.
If you want to take control of your life but don’t know where to start the internet is full of some great resources.
Harvard’s edX program allows you to take college courses for free. You don’t get credit for them, but you can gain a tremendous amount of knowledge.
Youtube is full of educational and motivational videos. Here’s one about success to get you started.
Read this if you want to get your finances squared away but need a little bit of help knowing where to start on your money-saving adventure.
Sometimes we just need a little kick in the pants.
You can do it. Go, team.
If you enjoyed this article please share it.
Here are a few more articles since you’re here anyway.
How to Participate in the American Election Without Being a Bad Guy
A Month Without- Finding Happiness by Being Miserable
The Holiday Paradox- Why Time Speeds Up
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Well said. I was practically born already hanging onto the side of the boat. Failure would have been very difficult and success was nearly automatic and effortless. I don’t feel guilty about it but I do feel lucky and that I owe it to try to help others who are far from the boat. I volunteer a lot but it still is hard to see if i am really helping anyone .