Earlier this year I almost bought a truck. Well, by almost I mean I went down the rabbit hole of looking at trucks on Craigslist and daydreaming about the inherent testosterone increase that lies therein.

It’s a dangerous hole to start looking in because there’s just so many fun options.  First, I decided it was a need not a want.  Very important to only buy needs when chasing financial independence.  I NEEDED a truck because I’ve been driving a Honda Fit to the various construction sites for the last couple of years and at a certain point it’s just un-American.

Kind of Related: Single Car Blues

Actually Related: Financial Independence- The Freedom to Choose

Practically speaking, I have to haul large objects that are inconvenient on the good days and downright impossible on the bad ones.  I have to haul various nouns like pressure washers, lawn mowers, large brooms, discarded doors, or a skill saw. Sometimes I have to haul multiple items at the same time.  It can be a real drag.

I’ll admit, there was a sense of pride when I managed to haul a lawnmower AND a pressure washer, along with all my regular tools, at the same time. Sure my shocks basically bottomed out, but what good are shocks if you don’t use them to their full potential?  I was pretty proud of myself.  Who’s embarrassed now?! Still, a truck bed would be nice from time to time.

What type of pickup truck defines me as a person?

So, what kind should I get?  I love Toyota’s but they tend to be pretty pricey, even for used ones.  My wife likes the look of Chevy’s while I’ve always hypothetically been more of a Ford or Dodge guy.  This is despite not ever owning either, unless you count my late 70s Ford Fairmont.

We’ve got a kid on the way so if we were to buy a pickup, you know, for work, we’d want one with a backseat to safely haul our little girl around. We need a big back seat. That narrows down the selection, somewhat.  We also probably want 4-wheel drive on account of wanting to move back to Montana in the semi-near future.  Can’t be driving around Big Sky Country in a 2-wheel drive truck.  That would look ridiculous.

A lot of the full size trucks on Craigslist are only slightly more than their mid-size counterparts, only get a few MPGs worse, and you can really tow a lot more.  Maybe full size would be worth it.  Who cares that they happen to look cooler and would make me instantly fit in with all the other vehicles on the ol’ construction site? The thought never crossed my mind.

We probably want something fairly new, not brand new, but something that will last a while. Don’t want to spend several thousand dollars on a lemon that sucks up money faster than gas. The worst thing would be to spend this year’s 401k contributions on something that can tow a small village away only to see the engine go out.  There goes our IRA contributions as well.

Functionally Speaking, Looks are Important

As long as I’m spending all this money I should get something that I actually like the look of.  I know those lift kits are silly but they really only take away a couple miles per gallon, especially if they’re tastefully done.

If we’re buying used we can’t help that the previous owner just happened to have some bull-elk-in-rut style off-road tires, can we?  It would be silly to PASS on a great truck just because it had some vanity-inspired finishings like a lift kit and off-road tires.  I’m not vain. If it’s a good deal I’ll put up with looking like a certified BAMF.  Sure I’d have to figure out how to deal with all the additional panties being thrown my way but it’s just part of growing up.

Before long I was looking at Nissan Titans with knobby tires and 6” lift kits and Toyota Tundras with huge back seats and a truck bed so small it borders on unusable.

“This one gets up to 15mpg on the highway. I bet I could get 17mpg out of it.” - Mr. Burrito Bowl

“We could always look at getting a mini-van,” Mrs. Burrito Bowl, not sarcastically

At several points my wife suggested that really we should just get a mini-van.  Mind you, we don’t own any kids, yet. None is the number of kids we keep in our possession, until December.  I’m comparing 5.7L V8 with turbo boost to 4.7L V8 without turbo boost and thinking, “Man, if I ever DO need to tow a gymnasium I’d sure be sorry if I didn’t have that extra liter of whatever.  And shoot, I can’t be lollygagging to 60 mph with some shoddy V8 that doesn’t even have a turbo boost.”

Mini-van.  It was like one of those TV shows where someone is living in a mansion with servants and wearing white pants while drinking orange juice and suddenly the camera zooms out and they’re really just in a damp concrete cell rocking back and forth.  It was all in their head. The fever dream of 4×4 lifted trucks with the V8 turbo, knobby tires, tow package, rubber testicles included, vanished before my eyes.  Mini-van.

“A lift kit would look silly on a mini-van, honey.” - Mr. Burrito Bowl

It was just a dream…just a moment in time

I looked up from my computer and could feel common sense start to creep back in.  I immediately started typing in ‘Do they make an F-550 for personal use? Ford F-550 vs. big Chevy Silverado’ but it was no use.  The fever had broken.  A mini-van COULD carry almost all of my tools with ease and would get much better gas mileage.  The upkeep would be way less expensive.

“Some mini-vans have those lift gates that can open without you touching it,” Mrs. Burrito Bowl said as she rubbed my downtrodden shoulders

”Dammit, that is convenient.”

For now, we aren’t getting a truck, or a mini-van.  The Honda Fit is working fine.  It works perfectly for 97% of the tasks it’s asked to do.

I can see how people end up with these trucks, though.  I really just needed a pickup bed. Shoot man I don’t want to wheel up in a 2-wheel drive, single cab, 1987 Nissan pickup with 220,000 miles.  That won’t impress anyone.

The Siren Song of Looking Awesome

I fancy myself a pretty frugal person. Even I got sucked into the siren song of looking badass but not actually being badass.  Everyone else has a cool truck in my line of work. They make fun of my little go-kart. Sure they’re probably amongst the 60% of Americans who don’t even have $1000 to their name, but just listen to that engine roar.  Hell, lots of guys who work desk jobs have cool trucks.  Why not me? I work hard, or kind of hard at least.

Turns out I have never once been tasked with towing a gymnasium.  I probably don’t need a truck with enough power to keep a train moving.   If someone DOES ask me to tow a gymnasium, or something of similar girth, I’m going to give Mrs. Burrito Bowl a real side-eye. If it weren’t for her total and complete disregard for how cool I could look, I might be rolling down the paved highway, towing nothing, burning fuel like a wood stove in Alaska, looking awesome.

I better go start my car.

If you enjoyed this article, please share it with your friends and even people who have really big trucks for no discernible reason.

You might also enjoy one of these related posts:

8 Ways We’re Purchasing a Vehicle with Financial Independence in Mind

Purchasing a Vehicle with Financial Independence in Mind- Part II

The Hedonic Treadmill and Pursuing Happiness