You might erroneously think you don’t need to learn how to make your own kombucha.  You might also think the moon landing was faked.  Point is, it’s hard to know what things are important to learn.  Here’s a helpful scientific quiz we’ve developed to see if this article is for you.

Are you tired of ending the day with a nice microbrew that leaves you feeling satisfied and less irritable?  Does your wife and/or girlfriend continually harangue you for not spending more time making flavored beverages using bacteria and peaches?  Are you a person who gets thirsty from time to time?  If you answered ‘Yes’ to any of the above then this article is for you.

“Hey, Girl.  I Made This Kombucha For You, *Wink*” Doctor McDreamy, Grey’s Anatomy, Season Unknown

Fellas, girls anecdotally love a guy who can make his own kombucha.  It shows sensitivity and a proclivity for danger.

If you’re holding out hope that this article is secretly about how to maximize your pre-tax retirement accounts and think the title was just to throw off any would-be readers, it is not.  It’s really about kombucha with very little financial advice.  Consider opening a 529 account if you have children to help save for their college education.  There, that is the only financial advice I’ll be giving.  Now, onto the topic at hand.

“Wait, What’s Kombucha?- Anonymous Reader

Kombucha is fermented tea.  Like most cool things, it originated in either China or Japan several months ago.  Maybe thousands of months ago.

Because we are trendy, and trying to save money, we’ve recently started making our own from scratch.  You’ve probably seen kombucha in your local grocery store.  If you haven’t just find a guy with a beard and a beanie with one jean leg rolled up.  Follow him around for a while and he’ll eventually get you to the kombucha section.  If you go to a real fancy grocery store they may even serve it on tap. We make it ourselves because it’s annoyingly expensive when you buy it at the store.  Luckily, it’s super easy to make.

Not only does homemade kombucha not cost us $4 per glass, it’s way better.  I don’t know if it’s better.  I made that last part up.  Store bought kombucha is pretty delicious.  It factually costs less than $4 per glass though when we make it at home.  That’s all the science I need.

This magic spirit water does have slight amounts of alcohol in it due to the fermentation process.  Unless you’re mormon, I wouldn’t worry about it.  Homemade kombucha may have slightly more alcohol than store bought kombucha, just FYI. Probably not enough to get you to sing Don’t Stop Believing next time your buddies take you to karaoke, but there is some alcohol in there.

Disclaimer:  I have no idea what the alcohol content is.  I’m guessing it’s pretty minimal.  Just roll with it.

Why should you drink Kombucha?

Kombucha is filled with healthy probiotic bacteria which helps your gut function at its best.  The more good bacteria you can get into your tummy the better chance those little suckers have at defeating the army of bad bacteria.  It’s a real Game of Thrones type situation in your gut.

Your gut is called the second brain because so much of your mood, temperament and overall health is affected by your gut health.  Go ahead, click on that link if you don’t believe me.

By now you’re probably foaming at the mouth to try some kombucha so I won’t belabor the point any further.  There are all sorts of ways to get healthy probiotics into your belly if it turns out you hate kombucha like some sort of lunatic.

Here’s what you’ll need.

A SCOBY

Liquid Water

7 black tea bags

1 cup of sugar

1 gallon size glass jar or bigger

Some fruit, or whatever

Fun Fact: SCOBY is an acronym for Symbiotic Culture Of Bacteria and Yeast.  So really it should be scobay or scby.  Makes no sense that ‘of’ gets to make it into the acronym but the word ‘and’ is left out. Acronyms aren’t always what they seem. I don’t make the rules.

Here’s a Quick Recipe for Our Kombucha.

1.  Get a SCOBY.  These are available on amazon.com or if you have any cool friends you can get one from them. A SCOBY is the mother of the kombucha.  That’s where all the magic bacteria live.

   

2. Heat 4 cups of water
3. Add 7 black tea bags to water and let it steep for 5 minutes

   

4. Remove tea bags and add 1 cup of sugar-stir until dissolved
5. Fill a separate container with 8 cups of water- let that water sit until it’s at room temperature
6. Let your black tea sugar water cool to room temperature
7. Combine the 4 cups of black tea sugar water with the 8 cups of regular water and pour it into your gallon sized glass jar along with the SCOBY

   

8. Cover jar with towel and rubber band and let sit in a cool dark place for 7-10 days- The longer you let it sit the stronger it will taste.  If you let it sit too long it will start to taste like vinegar, if that’s your thing.
9. After 7-10 days pour you new kombucha into airtight glass jars.
10. Add berries, ginger or whatever else you want to flavor the kombucha.

    

11. Wait 1-2 more days to allow the flavor to soak in and enjoy.
12. Clean out your gallon glass jar and put the SCOBY back in it with about 6 ounces of Kombucha to keep it alive until your next brew.  We brew another batch as soon as we move the first batch into airtight containers

    

Several Side Notes:

1. The longer you let it sit in the airtight container the fizzier it will become.  Also, the less air you leave in the airtight container the fizzier it will become.  You can mentally change the word “fizzy” to “carbonated” if you must.  Once you put the airtight jars in the refrigerator it slows the fermentation process down dramatically.  We keep our sealed kombucha at room temperature until it has the right amount of carbonation, then we put it in the fridge. Sometimes I don’t ever put it in the fridge.  I let that sweet, sweet fizzy goodness keep on keeping on.
2. Whatever fruit you throw in with the sealed kombucha will start to cling together in a disgusting looking gelatinous conglomerate.  This is normal.  I don’t eat the fruit but apparently it would be fine to eat.  I wouldn’t eat the fruit.  Don’t eat the fruit.  Just use it to flavor your kombucha.  It can stay in there the entire time.  Once that batch of kombucha is gone I throw out the fruit.
3. It’s better to not get a kit that lets you pour the kombucha on tap because the bacteria can get in the small crevices and can be really hard to clean. If you’re a glutton for punishment and/or have a Q-tip sponsorship feel free to use a jar with a tap.

There you have it. That’s how we make our kombucha. I’m sure I’ve left out many details.  It’s pretty good stuff.

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