People get very emotional when thinking about dropping their babies off at daycare. Much of this anxiety comes down to the fact that it’s so hard to be certain which baby is yours at the end of the day. Women have a sixth sense about this, but for men it can be very difficult.
All babies look the same, but due to political pressure we pretend this isn’t the case. You can try to memorize what they’re wearing, or even teach them to come when you call a certain name. These are great first steps, but they are one of our most important assets, so we need to be sure.
There are two main biases that lead people to pick up the wrong babies from daycare- confirmation bias and recency bias.
It’s important to understand these biases so we can combat them logically.
Most people think they would easily be able to tell which baby is theirs and which belong to someone else. They are expecting to know which baby is theirs, so when they see a baby they assume is theirs, they get very defensive when questioned. This is due to confirmation bias.
Typically men think they’re picking up their own baby, but studies show they are most likely to pick up the first one they see because that baby is the most recent one they remember. This phenomenon is called recency bias.
Luckily there are several recommended tips for making sure you can tell which baby is yours at daycare.
- Bring a picture with you (that HASN’T been posted online)- The old bring a picture of your baby to daycare trick is tried and true. In the 21st century with the advent of Facebook and printers, it’s easy for anyone to get a picture of your baby and bring it in, pretending to be you. Make sure the picture you bring in has NOT already been posted on Facebook. Give your daycare a list of all pictures you’ve posted online that way when someone comes in holding a picture that’s already on Facebook the daycare will immediately know this is an imposter parent.
- Dress your baby in bright colors- Many parents mistakingly dress their baby in dark colors because they don’t want to offend any goth or emo daycare workers. This is a mistake. Your baby will blend in with the herd and be nearly unrecognizable. Dress your baby in bright colors so that when you enter the daycare she will be dressed like a bowl of Fruit Loops. Daycare workers are attracted to bright colors and will give her more attention while all the other babies are dressed like members of My Chemical Romance.
- Call your baby by a name he/she/you will remember- If you always remember to call your baby the same name, then he will respond to that name in a public area. “Kyle! Francis…Payton?” Don’t do that. Make sure to use the same name at home that you do in daycare. It’s for this reason we don’t recommend mixed name babies (calling a baby Steve one week and Eric the next). Pick it and stick to it we say. Since there are so many babies these days try to make yours unique. Jord@n517$thrilla is a great example. Probably no other babies in the daycare will come when you call that name.
- Memorize your baby’s outfit- This. Is. So. Important. It can be tempting to drop your baby off at daycare without looking directly at them. Instead, focus on your baby long enough to memorize the OUTFIT. It helps to make a song. For example, in G#: “Yellow top, yellow top, blue pants too. One sock missing, one sock blue.” Notice that even in this example our baby is wearing bright clothing. Also, did you notice the one sock?
- Dress your baby in only one sock- OMG. Yes! Most people dress their children in at least two socks. When parents show up to daycare they instinctively look for babies with multiple socks. Even if they get flustered and reach for the nearest baby, they are unlikely to choose your baby on account of having only one sock.
- Bring an ice cream cone with you- This. Teach your baby to love ice cream, then bring an ice cream cone into daycare with you. Your baby with squeal with delight. This works for any age. So many health nut parents won’t feed their babies ice cream. If you get ahead of the curve then your baby will be in a league of their own.
- Give funny hats to all the other babies- When you first drop your baby off at daycare, unsuspiciously give each child a funny hat to wear. Make sure your baby’s hat is the LEAST funny. In this way you will easily be able to tell which one is yours based on how boring her hat is. “Great hat,” you’ll say, but inside you’ll think, “Not my baby.”
- Wait until the end of the day to pick your baby up- Most parents pick their children up from daycare when they get off work or when the daycare closes at 6pm. Instead, wait until well after closing time when only your baby remains. He will be so relieved to finally have some alone time after being surrounded by other children all day.
- Let the daycare people decide which baby is yours- Daycare workers are professionals in their field. They could have been anything but they were chosen to be daycare workers for a reason. Calmly walk into the daycare and wait for a professional to bring you a child. To be sure it’s your child say stuff like, “I’m testing your memory, is THIS my child?” They will tell you the truth. They are bound by law.
- Give your baby cool frosted tips- Most parents are afraid to dye their children’s hair because of chemicals. Also, they fear they are inadvertently promoting an unrealistic standard of beauty for their child. This is nonsense. Give your baby cool frosted tips and not only will she be the talk of the daycare, but you’ll easily be able to pick her out from the crowd.
- Make homemade shirts for your baby- Many parents think it’s funny to dress their babies in inappropriate mass-produced shirts that say stuff like, “I’m here for the milk,” or “I love boobies,” or “Born this cute.” These shirts are not only full of controversy, but will make your baby stand out as unoriginal. Do yourself and your baby a favor by making his shirts yourself. You can draw with a classy sharpie marker whatever message you want. We recommend, “This child belongs to me,” or “Fancy words good time.” People love when shirts don’t make sense.
As you know, those were the eleven best ways for men to tell which baby at daycare is yours. Some of these ways will work by themselves, others will need to be used in tandem. The more of these tips you can put into practice the better likelihood you’ll be able to pick up your baby from daycare. Remember, it’s not you, all babies look the same.
If you enjoyed this article please share it. Nobody wants to admit they can’t tell their baby apart from the herd. Studies show most of us can’t. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, it is science. Please spread this helpful list to the men in your life.
Here are a few more articles you might enjoy:
On Swearing (Warning Explicit Content).
Being a Kid was Harder Than We Remember (With Illustrations).
January Recap- Pooping, Crying, and The Baby Did Stuff Too.
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Wow!! This is freaking awesome! I have been dropping my son to day for about a year now (and picking the same kid everyday!). This made me crack up man! Good stuff!!
Damn! That one sock trick is awesome!
Thank you Grokking! You must have instinctively already been using these methods. Excellent work.