Tag: Satire

19 Pretty Good Coronavirus Safety Tips for Humans

I realize many people are terrified of the days to come. I’m very concerned about what’s coming next and I’m afraid many of us will be deeply affected by this virus. This post isn’t meant to downplay the seriousness of the Coronavirus. The cartoons are sarcastic and meant for humor. If you’re one of those people who says things like, “Too soon” then this post probably isn’t for you. Some of us deal with stressful situations through humor. This is for those people. Enjoy.

People are worried about the Coronavirus. I’ve been there. Luckily, I’ve been doing some long days of research in order to bring you the best tips and practices for getting through this Biblical plague of judgment.

I did a Twitter poll to find out if people thought a light-hearted Coronavirus post was inappropriate. Turns out, a lot of you do.

Coronavirus

But, majority rules. Welcome to America.

Side Note: These cartoons are funny and non-offensive. So, just remember that.  Continue reading “19 Pretty Good Coronavirus Safety Tips for Humans”

On God Part III- What Happens in the Afterlife?

I don’t know what happens when we die. Darkness? Golden staircases? Elephants with lots of arms? The possibilities are intriguing. Depending on what part of the globe you’re standing on, you’ll get some radically different guesses on what encompasses the afterlife. It’s possible that everything you currently think is correct, and everyone else is wrong. It’s also possible that the way you think the world works is so far off-base that you’re basically just wasting your life being wrong 100% of the time. Exciting, huh?

Oh, this is Part III of my On God series, BTW. You can read Part I  and Part II here.

The point is, nobody really REALLY knows what happens when we die. I distrust people whose pie chart of belief on the afterlife is all one color. Continue reading “On God Part III- What Happens in the Afterlife?”

Round One Recap and Analysis- The Best Color in the World Tournament Challenge

“Nothing beats a good quarterfinal matchup. Bring on round two!” – Steve, sports fan from Iowa. 

Round One Recap and What to Look for in Round Two

Wow, what an opening round to the first annual Mr. Burrito Bowl Presents: The Best Color in the World Tournament Challenge! For those of you who missed out on the first article and don’t know what the hell we’re talking about, you can start with this:

Mr. Burrito Bowl Presents: The Best Color in the World Tournament Challenge

I assume the rest of you have poured some portion of your limited life resources into following along with this fictional tournament. Let’s get right to it. Continue reading “Round One Recap and Analysis- The Best Color in the World Tournament Challenge”

11 Best Ways (For Men) to Tell Which Baby is Yours at Daycare

People get very emotional when thinking about dropping their babies off at daycare.  Much of this anxiety comes down to the fact that it’s so hard to be certain which baby is yours at the end of the day.  Women have a sixth sense about this, but for men it can be very difficult.

All babies look the same, but due to political pressure we pretend this isn’t the case.   You can try to memorize what they’re wearing, or even teach them to come when you call a certain name.  These are great first steps, but they are one of our most important assets, so we need to be sure. Continue reading “11 Best Ways (For Men) to Tell Which Baby is Yours at Daycare”

How to Keep Your New Year’s Resolutions…From Annoying The Rest of Us

Ah, at long last it’s officially the end of 2018 and almost the Year of Our Lord 2019.  Ever since 2018 proved to be little more than 2017 in disguise we’ve been patiently waiting for 2019 to save us from the drudgery of modern time keeping.  How did everyone’s New Year’s resolutions from 2018 end up?

People like to start off the year with New Year’s resolutions because the New Year only comes around once per year.  It’s a good excuse to not start getting your life in order in October, or March, when you’re thinking about your personal shortcomings.  Knowing you can put off any would be self-improvement for at least another month or eleven is more than enough reason for most of us to partake in a New Year’s resolution.

Despite an all-time failure rate of approximately 97.4%, New Year’s resolutions continue to be one of our most cherished American past times on par with baseball and diabetes. Continue reading “How to Keep Your New Year’s Resolutions…From Annoying The Rest of Us”

Why Small Talk is The Worst

The Following is a Public Service Announcement Regarding Small Talk:

Small talk is among the worst things modern humans do to themselves.  I think someone invented small talk as a goof and people just didn’t realize it was only supposed to be a joke to annoy normal people, not something you actually do. Despite its origins, there are full-on small talk people—people who enjoy pinning other people down to tell them unimportant facts about their lives and opinions they happen to hold.  Here’s a quick list of the people throughout history who enjoy being on the receiving end of small talk:

Continue reading “Why Small Talk is The Worst”

The $2 Meal When I Don’t Pack a Lunch

We’ve all been there.  It’s lunchtime around the ol’ office and everyone is grabbing their coats and top hats, or whatever.  They’ve got to move quickly, like a herd of time-compressed sheep, because the lunch break is only so long.  They rush out into the cold world to give away much of their hard-earned profit for an overpriced lunch they’ll shove down their throats with hardly a second to taste.

Not you.  You’re on a different plan.  You want to be financially free, frolicking on a beach, while your coworkers are still grabbing their top hats for their daily mid-work food purchasing extravaganza.  Continue reading “The $2 Meal When I Don’t Pack a Lunch”

The Burrito Bowls Go To Walmart- The Untold True Story

 Disclaimer:  The following post makes light of the various characters one encounters upon entering a Walmart.  If description of said characters is likely to offend, please do not read.  This article is strictly for entertainment and also to help us process what we saw.  This is our story.

In the not too distant past Mr. and Mrs. Burrito Bowl ventured into unknown territory. We went to Walmart.

Our foray into the unknown started off innocently enough.  We needed supplies for my birthday party and we didn’t want to hit up Costco on a weekend. Continue reading “The Burrito Bowls Go To Walmart- The Untold True Story”

A Penny Per Rock- The Original Side Hustle of Rock Picking

"Kids would give their right arm to be able to ride these horses," - My dad, explaining to my brother and I that we loved horses.

Need a side hustle idea?  How about rock picking?

I grew up in a small town in Northwest Montana.  I was lucky enough to live on the edge of a 45-acre meadow and be in a family that owned several horses.  It was, and still is, an idyllic place to have yourself a childhood.  All 9-year-old girls love horses. Unfortunately for my brother and I, neither of us were ever 9-year-old girls.

We didn’t really like horses. Mostly because horses equated to hours of involuntary labor.  The juice was not worth the squeeze, as it were.

It’s worth noting that neither myself nor my brother ever asked to own horses.  My dad is the horse person in the family.  This was not a Christmas present we begged for.  We just had them because my dad liked them.  Our family did not run under democratic law. Continue reading “A Penny Per Rock- The Original Side Hustle of Rock Picking”

Local Minimalists Give up Dresser/Ceiling in Bid to Find Freedom

Portland, ORE. -Local aspiring minimalists, Jane and Fred Teeples, made headlines this week by taking their minimalism to new levels and getting rid of their dresser.

“We want to become minimalists,” Fred said as he proudly stood in a pile of loose clothes inside their Multnomah County home.

Continue reading “Local Minimalists Give up Dresser/Ceiling in Bid to Find Freedom”