Seven Heroic Ways to Avoid Playing Google’s Nefarious SEO Game

I recently decided I’m done playing Google’s nefarious SEO game.  Rank me at the bottom, Google.  I will go down with this ship.

We’ve all seen those articles with clickbait titles like 11 Best Ways (For Men) to Tell Which Baby is Yours at Daycare or The 5 Most Important Life Lessons I’ve Learned Shooting Water Up My Nose.  These are clearly world class articles from a very brave and astute writer, but are they playing Google’s game a little too well?

It’s time we stop playing Google’s SEO game.  We are not pawns, we are people.  If you want to join me in obscurity, here are Seven Heroic Ways to Avoid Playing Google’s Nefarious SEO game. #endtheseo

1. Don’t write listicles- Listicles are articles with clickbait titles like, 9 Deadly Myths About Exercise.  Yeah, I’m not into writing those.  I’m sure you probably want to read that article because who wants to succumb to a deadly myth about exercise? And there are nine of the deadly myths?!  Even I want to click on that.  That’s just what Google wants.  Feel free to click on that one because that article seems like it’s really important, but typically try to resist.
2. Make sure to have an unrelated focus keyword- This article is about SEO, but I’m not out here writing “SEO” for my focus keyword, because that would rank me higher, and the higher I get ranked the more I’m playing into Google’s greedy little hands.  I’ll write a keyword that has nothing to do with my article just to throw Google’s hounds off the scent.  For this article I sent Google into a tailspin by making my keyword “Google’s.”  Dog, meet tail.
3. Commonly go more than 300 words between headings– Our SEO overlords LOVE when you break up articles with headings every few paragraphs.  They say it’s to help make them easier to read.  Easier for who to read?  Google?  Nice try, Google.  I’ll write nonsense for two paragraphs just to go over the 300 word suggestion.
4. Tags are for toddlers- Do you use tags on your articles?  You might reconsider after hearing this:  Tags is an acronym which stands for Tell A Google Secret. This is a code. Mix those words around and you might be surprised to learn Tags actually stands for Tell Google a Secret. Probably not as harmless as you thought.  If you can’t remember whether you should or shouldn’t use related words as tags remember this rhyme: Tags are for toddlers, and toddlers can’t use WordPress effectively. I’m sure Google would be thrilled if you put a few tags in your articles to help make them easy to find.  Don’t fall into this trap.  My tags are always the same three words: Nice, Try, Google.
5.  Post articles that have nothing to do with your blog’s main objective- Our SEO rulers would love it if your blog stuck to one genre.  “If you write about baking, stick to baking,” they’ll say as they greedily rub their hands together like an old cartoon villain.  Gross.  Live a little and surprise your readers with a fun article about Simulation Theory, even if you’re a financial independence blog.
6. Veer off topic- Of course the SEO potentate have put into our subconscious that we absolutely need to stick to one topic per blog post.  They’ll put out messages like, “Nobody will share your article if you start talking about IRAs, but then start talking about how much you hate small talk.” I’m sure Google would absolutely love it if your article got shared a bunch so their website got more traffic.  News flash kings of all things SEO, This is America, we don’t stick to one topic.
7. Don’t label categories correctly- This tip is next level, but a great hack is to incorrectly label your categories.  Are Google’s privacy-stealing robots always combing through your articles?  I mean, probably.  Would it make it way easier for them if your articles were all grouped together by subject?  Definitely.  Nothing would surprise me these days , so I play it safe by haphazardly categorizing my posts.  Do this and it will drive Google nuts because you’re refusing to play their SEO game.
8. Truth in advertising- “It would be really cool if your title says Seven Heroic Ways to Avoid Playing Google’s Nefarious SEO Game that you actually have seven ways.”-SEO Holy-ship.  Oh. Okay.  Sure, shackle me to a set number of heroic ways just because that’s what the title says.  I don’t think so, Google.  Write your title first, then write your article.  That way you know the authenticity of your title isn’t compromised based on what the article turns out to be about.  They want you to write your article first then come up with a title, but guess what?  It’s 2019 and we’re not playing that game.
9. Mix the timing up- One trap young bloggers fall into is trying to be consistent with the timing of their articles.  This falls right into the SEO people’s hands.  They WANT you to be consistent because it will build an audience and get them MORE MONEY.  We’ve all heard the first part “Post consistently to gain a following…”  but they conveniently leave out the end of that sentence  …”so that we, the Google SEO overlords, can make a lot of money from your hard work.”  Disgusting.
10. Spellcheck- Spellchecking your article is extremely important.  Make sure you mess up a few words hear and they’re.  The SEO hounds can’t read gramatically incorrect sentences and it drives them nuts. Warning: This tip is not for amatuers. Never mind that last bit.  It’s just infuriating when people have misspelled words or typos.
11. Make sure your title cannot fit within the viewable limit- Have you ever come up with the perfect article title but some Google SEO Czar  tells you it’s not within the viewable limit?  Likely story, Google.  Hot tip:  You don’t have to listen to them.  They just want your title to be short and concise so it falls in line with their greedy self-absorbed standards.  Have fun with your titles and make them as long as you want.

Wow.  We just learned about Seven Ways to Avoid Playing Google’s Nefarious SEO Game.  If you follow a few of these, Google will get tired of trying to control you and you’ll rank happily near the bottom of their search engine and away from their prying greedy bug eyes.

None of us like playing the SEO game, and for years bloggers have collectively felt defenseless against it.  Until now.  SEO overlords, you’re on notice.  Bloggers, go and be defenseless no more.

It makes Google’s SEO nobility furious when you share this article!

While you’re here, check out my recent interview on YourMoneyGeek.com

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Author: MrBurritoBowl

Mr. Burrito Bowl is a 34-year-old man from Whitefish, Montana who likes to draw stick figures and say things that sometimes relate to finances, but not always. View all posts by MrBurritoBowl