The Cost of Kindness

I was recently struck with how little effort it takes to drastically affect someone’s day for the positive. My sister texted me out of the blue and asked how I was doing. Not in the “How’s it going?” “Good, you?” type of way, but a real “No really, how are you doing?” It gave me a chance to unload a little bit. Overall, I’m doing really well. This is easily the happiest I’ve ever been. But, I’m also tired and find myself more than a little discouraged from time to time.

Here’s the truth: I want to quit blogging after every post I publish. Whether you think that’s a good idea or not, it’s a real feeling I have. I’ll sometimes spend an entire week working on a post only to have it fall flat. The resulting silence is enough to make me want to hang up my blogging gloves entirely.

I go through some version of the following after every post.

I think anyone who is a blogger can relate. It often feels like we’ve prepared a very important speech only to get up on stage and realize the audience has gone home. When that happens I’m left with crippling self-doubt wondering why it didn’t resonate. Did people not get the memo? Was it my delivery? Topic choice? Am I just not good enough? Why does no one seem to care that we might not even really exist? How are people not interested in a pretend press conference for a made-up color tournament?

[Okay. I can see where topic choice might be holding me back slightly. Still, hearing crickets after you publish can be a lot to handle.]

When I expressed my discouragement to my sister she responded, “Wait REALLY? I think it’s pretty much accepted and expected that your blog is gonna take off and you’re gonna be famous! Did you not…Did no one say that to you? We all talk about it behind your back all the time.”

I don’t know if her encouragement is actually true or not, but it did the trick. The cost for her to say that was virtually nothing, but the benefit I received completely turned my day around.

To be clear, the reason I have a blog isn’t to become famous. I just have a lot of opinions and I get antsy if I don’t find a way to express them. I’m under no illusion that this will lead to fame and fortune. It’s just nice to hear other people are misguided enough to believe in me. The bottom line is I went from being discouraged, and ready to quit, to being encouraged and ready to write.

This article is the fruition of that spurt of encouragement.

We never know the impact we’re having. Maybe there are people who really do think this blog is destined for greatness and I need no encouragement along the way. The reality is I feel like quitting all the time. That small bit of encouragement will be a life raft that keeps me above water.

I use myself as an example because I know there are other people who feel like I feel. I can be secure enough in my work to admit that I’m insecure. If you’re insecure about the work that you’re doing, that’s okay. It’s normal to be unsure and insecure. The important thing is that you don’t give up because you are making a difference.

You might have your own desolate blog, but it makes a difference to someone. Maybe you don’t have your own blog but you know someone who does. They could probably use a little encouragement.

I’m not sure why we’re not all just running around saying nice things to each other all day. It feels so good. It’s like when someone gives you a quick shoulder rub- [but in a non-creepy way]- and you remember how good shoulder rubs feel. At that moment you wonder why we’re not all running around giving each other plutonic shoulder rubs all the time.

Maybe you don’t know where to start. How can you tell who needs your kindness the most?

When you look out over the vast sea of people it can be hard to tell who needs a random compliment or just a little kindness. Maybe some people are already too confident or happy and your precious few compliments would be better suited elsewhere. Maybe your random act of kindness will be taken the wrong way and somehow leave both parties feeling worse off. There’s a lot of possibilities for how your philanthropy can go off the rails.

In order to alleviate this worry, I’ve made a handy pie chart to help you visualize who might or might not benefit from your kindness.

It turns out, 100% of people would benefit from an unexpected act of kindness. The cost to you is virtually nothing. It’s not a zero-sum game where any amount of happiness you produce is taken directly from your happiness stockpile.

Unsolicited kindness makes the world better. They feel better and you feel better.

Just real quick I’ll go over a few productive and non-productive ways to give someone unsolicited kindness. This will help to not have your kindness taken the wrong way.

That should clear up any would be issues.

There are no doubt more than a few people coming to mind that could use a little out of the blue encouragement from you. No matter who they are they’ll likely benefit from an unsolicited kind word. It will feel awkward at first, but the more you reach out to people the easier it becomes.

It’s probably not a great idea to run around giving people surprise shoulder rubs, but you can run around giving surprise kindness. There’s really no downside.

So, thank you, sister.

If you enjoyed this article give someone surprise kindness.

While you’re here, I think you’ll like one of these articles.

Why Your Phone is Making You Kind of Sad

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