A lot of us live our lives in a never-ending battle to keep it together. It feels like we’re being pulled in multiple directions and, frankly, it’s exhausting. We’re in a constant state of low-battery mode and we’re not sure how to charge the thing.
One problem is we totally misunderstand how our brains work.
We think it looks like this…
…but really, it looks like this.
Our heads have two competing voices constantly jockeying for our attention. Whichever voice we choose to listen to gets to decide what the body does.
One voice feels and experiences everything. It wants instant gratification and doesn’t worry about the longterm results. Being uncomfortable is not high on the priority list. This voice has the longterm vision of a toddler. It’s the voice that says, “We are too tired, let’s not workout today.” “That ice cream looks wonderful.” “Let’s spend all our money on toys.”
The other voice is more sensible. It feels no attachment to the current moment of pleasure or suffering. It’s only focused on the best longterm outcome.
The analytical voice is not programmed to care about instant gratification. It’s only concerned with the overall plan. “We should go to bed now because we have to wake up early tomorrow.” “It’s time to go to the gym.” “Let’s put some of our money into our 401K so that we’re prepared for retirement.”
These two voices are in a constant battle for headspace supremacy.
For real adult humans living in a complex world, this constant bickering can be a frustration. Each voice seems to make good points. We DO enjoy ice cream. But, it’s pretty late and we already brushed our teeth.
It’s important to remember these voices are NOT intellectual equals.
We need to start looking at the toddler’s voice more like a drunk demon baby who we’re taking suggestions from and less like the boss. We need the little rational guy inside your head to jump into the driver’s seat more often. He knows the best thing, even if it’s not as fun in the moment.
So really, it should look like this…
But small children are basically fun-size terrorists so they’re not very good at controlling the volume of their voice. They’re also prone to outbursts. The rational adult voice talks in a calm, level manner. His voice is often drowned out by the screaming toddler.
The toddler is so much more committed to his position than the rational adult that we forget he’s an irrational lunatic.
If we don’t listen carefully it can seem like the entire head is in agreement.
Then, things like this happen to us.
…and then we’re sad.
Things that feel good at the moment are rarely the things that improve our lives later on.
Ice cream at two in the morning is amazing. But, it’s also kind of depressing.
Too much instant gratification leads to longterm unhappiness. But what leads to happiness? The opposite of instant gratification, delayed gratification, leads to some happiness. But, ironically, there’s something you can do right now to get just a little bit happier.
Do something hard.
Doing Hard Things Leads to Longterm Happiness.
Humans are infuriating. We remember hardships more fondly in retrospect and we feel good when we accomplish things we didn’t think we could do. We can spend each individual moment of a day doing something easy and by the end of the day, we feel miserable.
Or, we can spend all day struggling against ourselves and nature and by the end of the day, we feel ecstatic.
There is no panacea to life. You can’t sit on the couch and zone out all day and expect to be happy.
Happiness doesn’t come from having an easy life, it comes from having a fulfilled life.
I think all of us have found ourselves in a place where we aren’t happy with our lives. It’s like we’re trying to run on dead batteries.
Conversely, I think we’ve all experienced times where it feels like everything is going right. Momentum is on our side and it feels like we’re experiencing life on a full battery.
Happiness is a Full Battery
What is it to be happy? We can cut through all the ethereal mumbo jumbo and imagine happiness to be living with your batteries full.
Think of your body as a car and the energy you need to exist in the world is your battery. The battery gets charged through your head and your heart.
When you have a full battery you feel motivated to learn new things, push yourself, and you have more energy to be kind. When your battery is low it’s hard to muster the energy to do anything.
A lot of people spend their entire lives living on low-battery mode. They don’t know how to pull themselves up so they lash out.
It looks like this…
When you have a full battery and you see people doing well it motivates you. When you have a low battery it’s easy to get cynical and let other people’s happiness push you deeper into feelings of despair.
One reason so many people are continually stuck on low-battery mode is they stopped listening to the adult voice in their head. They hear only the advice of a tantrum-throwing instant-gratification-obsessed lunatic.
So how CAN we charge our battery?
So if we determine that happiness is living with a full battery then the next logical question is how can we charge our life battery?
The best way to charge your own personal life battery is to focus on the head and the heart. As far as the head goes, mental stimulation is great for charging the battery. Doing something hard and forcing yourself to mentally push is a great way to jumpstart your life satisfaction.
Charging your heart works as a metaphor for kindness and also as your literal heart. Exercise is great for battery charging and so is stepping outside yourself and helping others.
The combination of doing something physical—something that gets your heart pumping and also strengthens your mental fortitude—is just about the best recipe for turning around your attitude.
When you go out and push through something hard, you’re putting juice into your battery. You don’t have to reach all of your goals every day in order to feel happy. Sometimes you just need to run up a steep hill.
Sometimes you just need to turn the water full blast as cold as it can go and force yourself to stand there being miserable for a minute. As soon as you turn the water off you’ll feel like screaming with life force. Your battery will be charged.
Charging our battery is hard and uncomfortable. The reason we want to avoid doing hard things is that our toddler voice won’t stop complaining while we’re doing them. So many people get used to giving in to their toddler’s meltdown that they never experience what it’s like to live with a charged up battery.
Learning to ignore your toddler’s voice is integral to increased life satisfaction. He will loudly complain when you do something hard, but that’s because he’s a nincompoop. He doesn’t understand the bigger picture.
Okay. Got it. A full battery is a happy life and you can charge your life battery by doing hard stuff. But, what if you don’t have the motivation to do hard stuff?
I’m glad you asked.
Charging Your Battery When You Don’t Have the Motivation
If you’re experiencing a low-battery situation yourself you’re probably feeling like this right now…
Maybe you’re in agreement that constantly being in low-battery mode is less than ideal. It would be great to be in a groove of challenging oneself and therefore not being the type of person who throws rocks at other people’s snowcones.
If we could just muster the motivation to do the things that make us happy we wouldn’t have trouble feeling all unmotivated and glum, now would we? Yes. It’s a bit of a catch-22. Except, it’s not.
The reason you’re feeling helpless without the motivation is that you’re making the mistake of relying on motivation.
This might sound preachy, but I have a blog on the internet so I’m kind of an authority figure.
Don’t Rely on Motivation, Rely on Habits.
When motivation is there, being productive is easy. Sometimes the two voices are in alignment.
Like when you decide to exercise after watching a C.T. Fletcher Youtube video.
But a lot of times they aren’t.
Motivation won’t always be there. The lower your battery the less motivation you’re likely to have.
This is where the power of stoicism comes into play.
Stoicism makes a practice out of being uncomfortable and doing things even when you don’t feel like it. Chasing stoicism is a great fill-in for motivation because when you do something that you weren’t motivated to do you actually get more stoicism points.
It makes a game out of delayed gratification and pushing through uncomfortable moments. Stoicism is the analytical adult voices wet dream. The whole practice is a nightmare for our toddler’s voice.
It’s hard to delay gratification unless you’re specifically thinking about it. When we have a craving we have a strong urge to fulfill that craving right then and there. But when you just don’t listen to that craving, it eventually goes away. When you stand up to the toddler he loses strength and the rational adult voice can start making moves on your behalf.
Stoicism is such a powerful practice because it trains your body and mind to endure hardship and continue on anyway. Learning to be content even when uncomfortable leads to a willingness to do hard things. Challenging yourself by doing hard things charges up your life batter. A charged-up life battery leads to a happier and more satisfying life.
Now shut your toddler’s mouth and go take a cold shower.
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Here are a few more articles you might enjoy while you’re here.
The Power of Stoicism- Standing in The Cold
A Month Without- Finding Happiness by Being Miserable
Seven Skin Tight Life Lessons Learned From Wrestling
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Never worked quite that way for me, instead I achieved success by tricking the toddler into thinking the hard things were more fun than ice cream. Because they let me win at sports and earn more money and have more power at work, all things the toddler loved! I concede your way is probably better but you gotta go with what works for you, and mine did for me. And I’ve had a pretty happy life keeping that kid happy, and confused.