Portland, ORE. -Local aspiring minimalists, Jane and Fred Teeples, made headlines this week by taking their minimalism to new levels and getting rid of their dresser.
“We want to become minimalists,” Fred said as he proudly stood in a pile of loose clothes inside their Multnomah County home.
They had been toying with the idea of getting rid of some of their belongings for some time, but had never pulled the plug until this week.
Most couples start by downsizing their wardrobe or even donating some extra pans to GoodWill. Jane never aspired to be average. She decided the couple would forego the traditional route and skip ahead to the part where they give away their dresser.
“It just made sense to us,” Fred stated as he searched through piles of clothes scattered on the floor looking for his other gray sock.
Though shirts and pants now cover the majority of the floor space of the couples 613SQ FT home they say the have no regrets.
Jane, who was also looking for a sock, went on to explain, “Dressers are just really boxy, they box things in. They box our lives in. I don’t want to live in a dresser so why would I make my clothes? My clothes aren’t vampires.”
Reporters attempted to ask several follow-up questions but the Teeples were unable to offer any coherent explanation. “You just have to watch the documentary,” Fred stated. When asked what documentary he was referring to Fred kept murmuring something about a sock.
“This is who we are now,” said Jane while wearing a shirt as a hat.
“When people ask me about myself the first thing I’m going to say is, ‘Hi, I’m Jane, I don’t have a dresser.’ I think they’ll really connect with that.”
It’s unclear how far the couple will take their efforts. As reporters started to leave, the couple could be seen tearing into their ceiling.
“We don’t need this much sheetrock,” Fred hollered in between thuds. “Ceilings are social constructs.”
We’ll keep you posted as we follow the Teeples on their path to becoming true minimalists.
Thanks for reading. I admit this article has little to do with reality. It’s not even an important article for reaching FI. I hope you liked it. The below articles are also humor based. They have more of a take-home message than this one. You should read those instead of this one. This one isn’t all that great.
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A step in the right direction to cleaner air, cleaner water, ending world poverty, ignorance, and sloth! Good work, Teeples!