Pelicans Don’t Do Squats

Me: Honey, honey look. It's leg day.  I just did squats. Look at my legs.  
Mrs. Burrito Bowl:*Doesn't look up* They look great honey
Me: Can you tell I'm flexing them?
Mrs. Burrito Bowl: You're flexing them?  Haha.
Me: *Hangs head in shame*

Some people are blessed with killer legs but a poor personality.  My wife has great legs as well as a great personality.  I have an okay personality but the legs of a pelican.  Also I have poor natural eyesight.  Nature is a cold mistress.

That being said, I try to never skip leg day.  Even though my legs will always be that of a pelican, they used to be that of a sickly pelican.  Now, I’m proud to say they resemble just a regular, healthy pelican.  I have beaten my genetics.

It’s in my lineage to have scrawny legs. I have them and my dad has them.  His dad probably had them. He didn’t believe in wearing shorts, maybe because of his skinny legs, so it’s impossible to know for sure.  I assume everyone related to us has below average leg girth.

My dad’s scrawny legs are partly his own fault. Growing up I was told the importance of pull-ups (Pull-ups are very important btw) but I never saw him complete a single leg exercise my entire life.  It’s possible he accidentally found himself in a squatting position and had to think of some way to lift his body up.  After running through a Rolodex of arm exercises I imagine he used his legs to get himself back to upright,but it wasn’t the norm.

Fun Fact: Growing up, we were taught to walk on our hands

I always thought it was some sort of wrestling exercise. Something to do with upper body strength and balance.  Looking back it’s clear my dad secretly just didn’t like using his legs.

We have great genetics as far as not having a slow metabolism and being able to build upper body muscle fairly easily.  Unfortunately, our legs are shit. I have to work very hard on them so that I don’t wind up as an internet meme.

Scrawny legs breed scrawny legs.  Set your future children up for success by not having tiny legs.

Listen, just like me, you need to work on your legs.  If you go to the gym fairly regularly but find yourself not feeling leg day and instead start back over with chest day, then I’m talking to you.

I try to be consistent with the gym but some days I get busy. I’m tired at the end of the day. Soon, it’s been a few days and before you know it an entire week has gone by without me getting in the gym.  When that happens, my first gym exercise upon my triumphant return to swole-town is squats.  Always.

Jesus knows when you skip leg day

It’s human nature to skip leg day and also to just skip going to the gym altogether.  Legs are a large muscle group and it’s hard to work them out.  You don’t get that satisfying pump and your shorts don’t feel like they’re going to rip at the seams.  It burns and it’s hard.  Nobody is going to notice if your legs aren’t massive.

Unfortunately we tell ourselves this so much that we never want to do legs and eventually people do notice.  They notice that our legs are the size of a T-ball bat.  That’s not a good look.

This article is probably too small and it may feel insignificant.   Much like your bullshit legs, there isn’t much meat here.  My point has been made and you probably have less than desirable legs.  Start working them out and you’ll feel better about them.

Don’t be a pelican.

Hey, you might also like one of these articles-

How to Be Proud of Yourself and Why It’s Important

The $2 Meal When I Don’t Pack a Lunch

Monday Motivation- Hang in There With a Pull-Up Bar

Author: MrBurritoBowl

Mr. Burrito Bowl is a 34-year-old man from Whitefish, Montana who likes to draw stick figures and say things that sometimes relate to finances, but not always. View all posts by MrBurritoBowl