Tag: spending

Exclusive Gold Bracelet Company Rollout Program Secret Meeting

The following is a true story: So there I was on vacation in an exotic locale. There was a timeshare convention in town. Everyone knows timeshares are one of the best investment vehicles known to man, so decided to check it out. I didn’t eat breakfast and it was now late afternoon, so I was hungry.  Real hungry. It seemed like everywhere I looked someone wanted to sell me something to eat. “I’m chasing financial independence,” I stammered incoherently. I needed a sponsor, or just some free calories. I walked down an alley that led to some dingy steps. I followed them down as my delirium took over. Eventually, I saw a sign that read “Corporate Fat Cat Secret Meeting in Progress. Do Not Disturb.” I figured since the sign didn’t say anything about NOT having free samples it was probably my best bet. 

[Corporate Fat Cat Secret Meeting in Progress. Do Not Disturb]

The flyer pictured above was posted on the door. I opened the door and stumbled into the dimly lit room. As my eyes adjusted I saw a twenty or thirty people all facing a villain looking guy on stage. He was talking about gold bracelets and mind control. I tried to ignore him while my eyes searched for free samples. There weren’t any. A couple of big guys with pinky rings closed the door behind me so I was stuck listening to his entire spiel. Continue reading “Exclusive Gold Bracelet Company Rollout Program Secret Meeting”

Good People Don’t Go Black Friday Shopping on Thanksgiving

Good People Don’t Smoke Marijuana- Jeff Sessions

Former Attorney General Jeff Sessions famously said, “Good people don’t smoke marijuana.”  This is obviously asinine because lots of good people smoke marijuana.  What Jeff Sessions meant to say was, “Good people don’t go Black Friday shopping on Thanksgiving.”  It was an unfortunate linguistic error that has spawned more than its fair share of controversy.

My guess is that at only 5’4 tall he was unable to correct his error in pronunciation and was left with no stool to stand on other than to defend an outdated view of reefer while simultaneously letting droves of otherwise good people feel it was morally acceptable to peruse malls and retail stores on actual Thanksgiving evening.

“The doors of history swing on the smallest hinges of linguistic errors,” Mr. Burrito Bowl

Let’s Back Up

Continue reading “Good People Don’t Go Black Friday Shopping on Thanksgiving”

Life is Short- Spend for Today vs. Save for Tomorrow

Life is Short- Spend for Today vs. Save for Tomorrow

Can you believe how much of your life has already passed?  F-word, man. Summer has for sure faded and we’re smack dab in the middle of fall.  This time of year always gets me thinking, usually about random stuff like the eternal expanse of space or wondering what the ancient Egyptians were really like but sometimes I think about money questions.  Questions like should we be in camp spend for today or camp save for tomorrow?  Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed and life passes us by at breakneck speeds, even if we are lucky enough to make it to this mythical tomorrow. Continue reading “Life is Short- Spend for Today vs. Save for Tomorrow”

The Gospel of Finance- Ranting Old Testament Prophet Edition

The other day my wife and I were talking about how it feels like we’ve discovered this secret that we just want to share with the world but nobody seems to care.  It’s like we’re all wandering around aimlessly in the desert and we’ve stumbled upon this oasis.

We feel guilty keeping it to ourselves and we can’t figure out why everyone doesn’t at least want to hear us out. It feels like we’re evangelists trying to spread the gospel of this FIRE movement.   I imagine this is similar to how the prophets of the Old Testament felt when they would rant and rail about God’s impending judgement but nobody gave a shit.  I wonder what it would look like if one of those prophets was really hung up on personal finance, instead of God’s imminent wrath… Continue reading “The Gospel of Finance- Ranting Old Testament Prophet Edition”

How Much are You Really Earning? Hourly Wage vs. Hourly Profit

How Much are You Really Earning Per Hour?

I think it’s valuable to spend some time thinking about life from a different angle than we’re used to. When deciding whether or not to buy something do you ever think about how many hours you’d have to work in order to pay for it? How would you even calculate this?  If you’re like me, you’d take the purchase price and divide it by your gross hourly wage, but this number is almost irrelevant.  Instead, we should be considering purchases based on our hourly profit.   Continue reading “How Much are You Really Earning? Hourly Wage vs. Hourly Profit”