Dear Diary- and various people who not only subscribe to something Burrito Bowl Diaries related, but also bothered to click on this article.

I routinely come to a point of contention with my blogging as Mr. Burrito Bowl.  You would think being Mr. Burrito Bowl would be a nonstop tailspin of fun, but I’m a complex and emotional creature.  Sometimes I ask, What are we all doing here?  I used to wonder if I was writing for myself or my audience. Those were simple times.

Recently I’ve started to delve into the financial independence Twitter community a little bit (hi everyone).  I decided that if I wanted my blog to reach more people I should go out and be social by sitting on my couch and interacting with strangers online.  This experiment has worked out semi-great.  I’ve gained a bunch* of followers on Twitter by being more active and commenting on people’s Tweets.

*Now, when I say ‘a bunch’ that’s relative.  I think I have around 500 followers*. This is several hundred more people than should be following me, but some people have like twenty-five thousand.  Actual famous people have millions of followers.  So, 500 really isn’t a huge amount.

*Now, when I say ‘followers’ I think most of them are following lots of other people.  It’s not like I’m their leader.  I never wanted to be their leader.  In that way I’m like Jon Snow.  That’s something, I guess.

Side note: Wow, there are A LOT of Financial Independence bloggers.  I knew I wasn't exactly breaking new ground with this blog idea but, there's like 47,000 people on Twitter with some form of the word FI in their name.

Moving on.

So, now I feel like I’m an accepted member of the personal finance/financial independence Twitter community.  Which, is there a more nausea-inducing name than that?  Excuse me, good sir, are you part of the Financial Independence Community? *Gags softly*

If I was on the outside looking in, I’d think the whole financial independence community was a bunch of rich snobs all congregating over the fact that they have lots of money.

The truth is most of the people in the FI community are just like the people not in the FI community.  The difference is, the FI people put more effort into getting a hold of their finances.

A lot of the people blogging on financial topics are in terrible shape financially, and that’s ok. They’re at the beginning of their journey.  The important thing is they’ve woken up to the idea that they have agency over their own lives and they can slowly climb out of their financial pit.

Everyone should be doing this; not blogging, but just slowly climbing their way out of the financial pit.  This idea is not just for those making killer incomes.  You, person reading this, can be better off financially next year than you are right now.

So anyway, now that I have a few more people reading my blog than before, I’m starting to wonder a few things.

Who is my target audience?

I write for many different audiences depending on my mood.  The reason it matters is the content can be totally different.  I’ve written articles for different audiences.  You Might Not Exist- Simulation Theory– this one was for me. 11 Best Ways (For Men) to Tell Which Baby is Yours at Daycare– This one was for the general audience that I want to laugh at my articles and like me more. Redefining Success and Chasing FI- The Boat vs. The Shore– This one was for the general audience that I want to somehow convince that they can save their money and get a hold of their finances. Seven Heroic Ways to Avoid Playing Google’s Nefarious SEO Game– This one was for my new blogger friends.

Who’s actually reading my articles?

So in writing these different types of articles I wonder which demographic is most likely to actually read them.  I also wonder which demographic is most impacted by my writing.  I’ve written some stupid articles that seem to be a real hit with the general public, but I don’t feel like anyone left my page with any new knowledge.  I’ve also written some posts that I wish the general public would read, but those seem to go nowhere because they aren’t as funny.  It’s hard to make compounding interest funny.

The posts that do really well with the general public are either my funny posts or posts that have pictures of my daughter.  Both exciting things, but not really convincing people to better themselves in any way.

My new FI blogger friends are reading some of my articles, but I think they think of me as just the funny guy who writes outlandish posts.  Not a bad niche.  If I had to pick a niche I’d for sure pick this one.  But, there’s more to me. Honest.

Why am I writing at all?

The most unsettling question is why am I even doing this at all? I have a need to write and get my feelings out there so this is a very good medium for that.  I also have stumbled ass over tea kettle into some financial knowledge, so I’d really like to be able to share that, too.  But, I really dislike writing about financial topics.  It’s so boring.  I’ll write whole articles and the second or third time proofreading them I don’t even want to finish.

How can I expect people who aren’t my mom to read my articles if even I’m bored by them? Is it throwing away free money if you don’t at least contribute up to the employer match on your 401k? Yes.  Can I convince you to read an article long enough to learn that? If you are still reading this article, then yes.

I have a need to write absurdity.  I cannot help myself.  I’ve written two entire books on the sole premise of absurdity. Writing absurd things is what sets me apart.

What do people think about my writing?

This is not a cry for people to comment stuff like, “We think you’re really great Mr. Burrito Bowl!” Although appreciated, this is more me wondering what goes through people’s minds when they read my more serious posts.  Especially the ones regarding money.

I think all writers wonder this, even if they don’t want to admit it.  Do I come across as a rich snob telling less fortunate people how they ought to configure their life if they want to get ahead?  Are people disappointed it’s not just a funny article?  Are people just confused as to what I’m talking about most of the time?

Putting yourself out there is hard and weird

I’ve always thought blogging was a bit silly.  I get having a diary, or writing because it’s cathartic, but the idea of sharing that writing- and asking people to share it so more people can spend part of their day reading your thoughts- is weird.  It’s weird and I understand it’s a weird request and I struggle with that.

I feel like writing an article is a bit like making a painting.  You did all this work and you just want to show people.  I’m not doing the writing because I think I’m better than people and they need to listen to me, and I’m not doing it SO THAT people give me lots of golf claps, but a golf clap or two is nice after the effort.

It’s like when your mom makes you dinner. She’s not making dinner for the praise, but a “Thank you, mom, it was really good,” is nice to hear.

My ego cares if people read my articles, and I can’t decide if it’s weird to care or weird not to care.

This brings me to another internal struggle.  I want to be able to say that I don’t care if people read my articles, because I’m a strong, independent man and I don’t need your approval.  But, god it’s a kick to the nuts when I put hours into a post and I hear crickets in response.  F-word me.  Right, fellow bloggers?

I think it would be weird to not care about how my articles are received but it’s weird to care too much.  It’s a real caring tightrope situation.

It’s a constant battle of my own ego. Be authentic and get ignored v. write what people like sharing. I suppose I’d sell out if the price was high enough.  But for now I’ll remain authentic even if it means getting ignored.

Panhandling my posts around the internet is less than ideal.

I have a Facebook page that I invited all my actual Facebook friends to like because I want them to know it exists.  I want them to know it exists because I feel like some of them would read it if they knew it was a thing.

It feels like a complete waste of time posting articles to the Facebook page.  Really what’s driving my hesitation is I don’t want people I know in real life to see I blog about finances and just make assumptions without ever actually reading my articles.

There are so many people peddling things on Facebook and I don’t want to be one of them.  Twitter is less weird because I don’t personally know the people I’m sharing articles with.  If things really go South I can just delete my Twitter profile and burn my phone. I’d have to kill a lot of people if I embarrass myself too much with my Facebook posts. Still, it feels weird.  I was not made for self-promotion.

What I really want to do is just delete all blog-related social media and just post articles on here whenever it suits my fancy.  Then you guys take it from there and make my posts go viral by sharing them because you’re bursting with love and admiration over the effort I’ve put in.  For now though, I’ll just keep my social profiles active. It feels like that’s necessary.

Thanks Diary and friends, this has been cathartic.