Category: Humor

Things We Should Stop Doing

As humans we do a lot of things.  We’re always doing things, and some of them need to stop.  Here’s a quick list in case you were interested.

Also, here’s a non-sweary version of this post so my mom can share it:

Things We Should Stop Doing (G Version)

Things We Should Stop Doing (G Version PDF)

Continue reading “Things We Should Stop Doing”

Being a Kid was Harder Than We Remember (With Illustrations)

Being a kid is just really hard for a number of reasons.   I’ve generally thought it would be fun to go back to my childhood and frolic around the woods with no responsibilities and no life skills, but the more I think about it, being a kid was a continual stream of terrible situations.

Also, here’s a non-swear edition so my mom can share it, if you’d rather read that.

Being a Kid Was Harder Than We Remember (G Version)

Continue reading “Being a Kid was Harder Than We Remember (With Illustrations)”

Being Famous Would Be Awful and Why It’s Ok Nobody Will Remember You

One of the real bummers about transitioning from a hopeful 8-year-old kid to a statistically unexceptional adult for 99.99% of us is at some point we have the realization that we never became famous. This is another way of saying we weren’t good enough at anything for most people to notice, or we never got around to making a sex tape. It’s usually one of those. Continue reading “Being Famous Would Be Awful and Why It’s Ok Nobody Will Remember You”

Seven Skin Tight Life Lessons Learned From Wrestling

Wrestling is a tough sport. It teaches you discipline, the value of hard work, and how to lose a lot of weight in a short amount of time. If you can get through a good high school wrestling program you can get through just about anything.

In a former life Mr. Burrito Bowl was heavily into the singlet wearing sport of wrestling.  Not wrestling as in WWE, more like, “Hey why is that kid not drinking any water? Let’s for sure not date him,” type of wrestling.  Basically the sport kids played when they weren’t popular or tall enough to play basketball. 

I had a real love/hate relationship with wrestling.  On the one-hand, wrestling isn’t fun.  It’s hard work and sucks most of the time.  On the other hand, wrestling gives you sense of pride for having not died while performing your sport.   If you can get through a good high school wrestling program you can do almost anything you put your mind to.  

Despite stunting my growth an inch or two and making me borderline insane in high school, wrestling taught me several life lessons I still keep with me today.  Continue reading “Seven Skin Tight Life Lessons Learned From Wrestling”

Optimism- You’re Not Getting Any Younger

Hello! You’re getting older, fatter and your hair is thinning.  Hooray!!  Optimism is a funny idea.  It’s not really funny, I don’t know why I said that.  Strong start. 

Let’s back up.  How do you feel about yourself right now in this moment?  Think about your weight, your wrinkles, your career, family, friends, etc.  How would you rate the success you’re having in those individual boxes? Is it stressful to think about or relaxing?

Now take a giant step back and think about the big picture of your life.  You might be stressed about money, raising kids, aging, the future of AI or a million other things.  If you back up far enough, until the Earth is a small dot in the vast emptiness of space, all of those worries kind of fall to the wayside.  You’re just a single individual experiencing this once in a lifetime ultimate theme park ride called ‘life.’   I want you to keep that in mind throughout. 

Optimism is Hard Because Life Sucks Balls Sometimes

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How to Keep Your New Year’s Resolutions…From Annoying The Rest of Us

Ah, at long last it’s officially the end of 2018 and almost the Year of Our Lord 2019.  Ever since 2018 proved to be little more than 2017 in disguise we’ve been patiently waiting for 2019 to save us from the drudgery of modern time keeping.  How did everyone’s New Year’s resolutions from 2018 end up?

People like to start off the year with New Year’s resolutions because the New Year only comes around once per year.  It’s a good excuse to not start getting your life in order in October, or March, when you’re thinking about your personal shortcomings.  Knowing you can put off any would be self-improvement for at least another month or eleven is more than enough reason for most of us to partake in a New Year’s resolution.

Despite an all-time failure rate of approximately 97.4%, New Year’s resolutions continue to be one of our most cherished American past times on par with baseball and diabetes. Continue reading “How to Keep Your New Year’s Resolutions…From Annoying The Rest of Us”

How to Quickly Tell if You Can Trust Someone- The Coffee Question

Ok, here’s the situation:  You’re meeting someone for the first time and you need to quickly figure out whether or not you can trust them.  Maybe they want to give you free candy out of the back of their van.   What do you do?  Seems like a sketchy situation, but at the same time, you want that candy.

Some of you will wisely ask what kind of candy they have.  If it’s full size butterfinger or Twix bars, you might have to risk it.  If they say they have bubblegum or fun size anything, the risk to reward ratio might not be in your favor.  Point is, sometimes situations arise where you need to make a split-second judgement as to whether or not you can trust someone. Continue reading “How to Quickly Tell if You Can Trust Someone- The Coffee Question”

Why Small Talk is The Worst

The Following is a Public Service Announcement Regarding Small Talk:

Small talk is among the worst things modern humans do to themselves.  I think someone invented small talk as a goof and people just didn’t realize it was only supposed to be a joke to annoy normal people, not something you actually do. Despite its origins, there are full-on small talk people—people who enjoy pinning other people down to tell them unimportant facts about their lives and opinions they happen to hold.  Here’s a quick list of the people throughout history who enjoy being on the receiving end of small talk:

Continue reading “Why Small Talk is The Worst”

How to Make Your Own Kombucha…Wait, Come Back

You might erroneously think you don’t need to learn how to make your own kombucha.  You might also think the moon landing was faked.  Point is, it’s hard to know what things are important to learn.  Here’s a helpful scientific quiz we’ve developed to see if this article is for you.

Are you tired of ending the day with a nice microbrew that leaves you feeling satisfied and less irritable?  Does your wife and/or girlfriend continually harangue you for not spending more time making flavored beverages using bacteria and peaches?  Are you a person who gets thirsty from time to time?  If you answered ‘Yes’ to any of the above then this article is for you. Continue reading “How to Make Your Own Kombucha…Wait, Come Back”